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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive ex stuff

8 replies

Caramelicecoffee912 · 23/06/2025 12:35

6 weeks ago the police came to mine to get my ex out. He refused to go as he needed to charge his phone. He's a borderline that's heavily abusive and I've endured hell.

He had very minimal family left. 2 family members to be exact. One of them became his back up and she sent me horrible messages. I reported her too. She's blocked.

The other is one of his children. An adult. Who he began gradually trashing me to which I did not know. In the last 6 weeks of our relationship he told her I was scaring him and he was on egg shells terrified of me. For obvious reasons I've blocked his children. I don't feel i should have to live my life expecting one of them to start messaging me on his behalf for his things.

He's had 6 weeks. A month ago I said send me money and an address and he didn't bother. He was in temp accommodation and who knows if he still there. He's no longer local.

I have a bag of random clothes. Mostly I can't see it being that important. His glasses. A box of photos mainly of his daughter away with her boyfriend or her friends on nights out. Weirdly a journal she wrote when she was unwell and she left it at his a year ago. A card from her. His dogs collar and first toy that's ready for the bin from being chewed.

I've bought a suction bag for his clothes and thought about jumping his photos etc in the bag too. But how long should I gang onto his stuff. Am dreading the contact a few months down the line.

OP posts:
Caramelicecoffee912 · 23/06/2025 12:42

Hang onto his stuff*

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 23/06/2025 12:44

I would give him a deadline. Say ‘you need to send someone to collect your belongs by xx otherwise I will be throwing all out’

And then bin the lot if he doesn’t collect it

Bittenonce · 23/06/2025 12:44

Just put it all together and send it to his daughter. So you know it will get to him if he wants it. But - how long you should hang on to it? Just send it today. Then you know it’s gone and you wont fret about him showing up or demanding it in the future. It’s just a shitty reminder you don’t want in your home, get rid now. It’s worth the postage cost for peace of mind and not having to contact him.

Caramelicecoffee912 · 23/06/2025 12:46

I don't have her address it's basically impossible without contacting them and the thought terrifies me. I have a support worker maybe I should email her. I worry alot about it

OP posts:
Caramelicecoffee912 · 23/06/2025 12:48

Bittenonce · 23/06/2025 12:44

Just put it all together and send it to his daughter. So you know it will get to him if he wants it. But - how long you should hang on to it? Just send it today. Then you know it’s gone and you wont fret about him showing up or demanding it in the future. It’s just a shitty reminder you don’t want in your home, get rid now. It’s worth the postage cost for peace of mind and not having to contact him.

Edited

I've been provided with a ring doorbell and he's not meant to come near me. Claire law showed I'm the 4th

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 23/06/2025 14:04

Tell them the stuff will be on the doorstep on X date and time and if it's not picked up then the bin men will be collecting it.

TinyTempest · 23/06/2025 14:09

Email non emergency police.

They should answer your question.

Bittenonce · 23/06/2025 17:39

Caramelicecoffee912 · 23/06/2025 12:46

I don't have her address it's basically impossible without contacting them and the thought terrifies me. I have a support worker maybe I should email her. I worry alot about it

Yes, ask your support worker to help then if you're not sure of his address and don't know the daughter's. You just need to get rid of this stress!

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