Coming to terms with my family disowning me

[hnr2016]

I’ll try to keep it short. My dad is a narcissist and a bully and has always been unkind to me, as well as my mum. My mum has always forgiven him and taken his side (I also blame this on the fact she was just 16 when she married him, so I feel like he’s conditioned her).
my dad and I have had a very volatile relationship with years and my mum will say yes he’s awful but do nothing about it.

Last week we got into a huge argument and my mum told him to leave, but he had secretly recorded me saying I wanted to kill myself because of the emotional and mental abuse he has always caused.
he showed this to my siblings who came charging over and said they’re reporting me to social services for not being a fit mother.

my child has additional needs and her PDA can be quite intense sometimes and I have shouted at her, I don’t pretend. But I’ve also made this clear to the health professionals (who aren’t helping in the slightest and we’re still waiting for diagnosis and support for her).

On Monday my mum told me my dad was coming back in the house even after the abuse he’d given me (I’m not perfect I’ve argued back, but only because I’ve watched my mum pick my dad over me every time he’s been abusive).

My mum has now kicked me out of the house and my family have disowned me. She told me she’d only let my daughter stay in the house if they got custody of her and I was sent to a psychiatric ward (they think it’s my fault I’m mentally ill and not because of the abuse from my dad and the childhood trauma, as well as my mum never actually supporting my additional needs as a kid)

im currently have to stay at my ex’s house (daughters dad) until Wednesday when I get my meeting with the council, but my mum couldn’t care less that we may have to go into a hostel or moved hours away from things, knowing that my daughter has additional needs and medical needs and I have mental health needs.

I feel so lonely and extremely depressed. I don’t feel like I want to be around anymore and all I’ve done is fail my child so much 😔

I’ve been throwing up everyday and my anxiety has been through the roof. I know if we end up in a hostel or somewhere not safe my mental health will not cope and neither will my daughter.

Your dad is not the only abuser. Your mum is too. I'm so sorry.

I'm inclined to think that you need to report your father's long-term abuse of you to the police. The reason you are struggling with your emotional wellbing is because of the treatment you have received all your life from him; and your emotions are totally understandable in the circumstances.

I am sorry but the whole family sound like they are emotionally abusive to you and having a PDA child is tricky especially if you also suffer with high anxiety. Make sure the council are aware of your additional needs and maybe seek medical attention for your depression. Maybe going NC with your family will help in the long run. Living with them can’t be easy when you had a difficult upbringing. I hope your ex is supportive.

It won’t feel like it now, but them disowning you is probably the best thing that could happen. They sound extremely toxic and it is no wonder you feel as low as you do.
You might be at rock bottom now but I think your life will be infinitely better without your cruel family in it. You will probably see your mental health improve too.

By the way, nobody will take your child away for you saying you feel suicidal.

This sounds like an extremely toxic environment for a child to be in. It's also extremely obvious that we are only getting your side of the story and that you are clearly not an innocent party in all of this.

You need to move out into the accommodation the council provides you and focus on trying to create a healthy environment for your child.

This.

You need to get both of you far away. Do not threaten suicide. Get some professional help.

I too was suicidal over my fathers behaviour but my children came first and you must not say this to your children or your parents.

You must acknowledge your mental health to a professional and receive professional help.

Im really sorry you have been abused. No contact is the only thing you can do

It may not feel like it now - and it wasn't their intention - but they've actually done you a big favour. This situation is extremely toxic and it's highly unlikely to change. Understandably your mental health has suffered but it would continue to decline if you stayed with the dysfunctional duo (I think your mother is equally at fault.) Abusive people always blame their victim so don't take their refusal to take responsibility for their actions personally.

You haven't let your daughter down, you've been coping in very difficult circumstances. Now is your chance though to get your own home where you make the rules and your daughter will grow up without the abuse you had to suffer. You will make new friends and create your own tribe. Often the best family we have are not related to us by blood. As others have said, please speak to your GP about getting some therapy. It will be tough to begin with but you'll come to realise that life is so much better without them in it. It's entirely up to you but personally I would make a clean break: block them on all phone and social media contact, don't let them - or anyone who knows them - know where you're living. You're free! Good luck.