Long story short, I never got father love and got much time to spend with him, so I fell for a man who was about 9 years older than me. He was not interested in me, but sex: the fact that he was after sex put fear in me and I ran away cutting ties with him. I had so much feelings for him and then found out he got married, and after about an year his marriage finished and he came running to me, but I cut him off. I been missing him for like forever. After 15 years of stopping myself from messaging him, I finally gave in. I had messaged his old number and asked him if it is him (despite the fact I know it is him), he said yes and then asked my name and I told him how I had your number in my phone and I was just checking who it is. He said well I lose my initial number I might remember you just tell me whats your name as I need to know who I am talking to . (By the way hes remarried with a kid and I am married too with a kid). I somehow can’t get him over my head. I want to talk to him ask how’s he doing in life but at the same time I am just scared like I just dont want him to know that it is me talking to him.