Finally got rid of my partner now ex

[tiredmummm]

Hi guys, I finally managed to get rid of my partner (ex).
He moved back to his flat, originally he was getting evicted from there so I let him come back but recently he found out that he didn’t actually get evicted.
Now this is the issue, he keeps calling me and telling me that he has nothing, that he sleeps on a concrete floor and he has no way of washing his clothes. He has no fridge or no cooker, no pots and pans etc.
When he moved back here after being evicted he has brought his washing machine and his fridge ( I ended up getting rid of mine) but I did tell him not to bring it and to leave it there.
He keeps saying that this is my fault that he is in this situation and that I have put him through a lot of shit, and that I should be grateful for having him in my life otherwise I would of had nothing.
I can’t help but feel bad that he’s in that situation but I don’t think it’s my fault, the relationship between us hasnt worked out and I told him I won’t be sacrificing my happiness and my mental health by living with him.
I suggested that he hand washes his clothes or take it to the laundrette, and also suggested that he buys himself a blow up mattress for the time being.
He laughed at me and told me he can’t do that because they could kick him out the flat at anytime and he doesn’t want to waste his money.
I don’t know how to feel about this, any advice or any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks you

It's a control thing, my ex pulled the same when I left him, I took all my stuff with me which unfortunately for him was 90% of the useful furniture. He wanted me to wash his clothes at first and then he wanted to stay at ours every weekend to see the children he hardly ever saw when we were officially living together. He still likes to talk about my things as joint assets 4 years after I left him. We were never married. It's all about control the only way is to calmly respond only when absolutely needed and ignore the rest of the time. Woman's aid is a great place for you to get support. Do not reply to anything that isn't child related. If he texts something that makes you want to reply out of guilt or obligation or anger then put your phone down, and reply when you've calmed down or just ignore it .

Good op on getting him out of your house. Well done. Now keep him and his dirty clothes there. He will find a way to get them clean get a bed get what he needs but absolutely not from you.

STAY STRONG OP YOUR FUTURE AWAITS

I see this was an older thread that just got revived.

This is about control, guilt-tripping you and hoovering (trying to suck you back in).

He wants access to you and he is running out of ways to get it so this is what he has to work with. As another poster mentioned he wants to control your time and have you do the work/spend the money.

its now time to implement phase two of operation twat/ dick/ arsewipe. The key to success at this level is detachment, it is now your mantra young grasshopper. It will take practice and you will have to resist old patterns of behaviour like feeling responsible for the behaviour of twat/ dick/ arsewipe, which can be challenging. You are not his mother, he is not a child and more importantly he isn’t your responsibility. He has to learn to take responsibility for his dam self and that is less likely to happen if you act like his mother.

A third party for hand overs and written only communication can help to ‘keep it business’ but you will also have to practice ignoring anything that isn’t about the child. Your shared child is his in and he will weaponise your child to get to you, so be prepared for your child to parrot the supposed hardship of twat/ dick/ arsewipe. “Yes I know daddy is sad, it’s always difficult learning or relearning things but the more tries, the better it will get. Remember when you couldn’t tie your shoe laces or x, y or z and and you were “but I can’t!” Then you practised and practised and now you are really good at x, y and z and don’t need help. Grown ups can feel like that sometimes too.

It isn’t your fault, you can not solve his problems because he is the problem and until he accepts that, his situation will not change.

Detach, detach, detach!!!!

Why don't you buy your own washing machine and fridge and get his put outside for him to collect? That ends 1 big argument right there.

I'm assuming it's because she is paying for everything for their joint child if he's too broke to buy a washer from a charity shop.

Block him OP and only use a special email just for child contact, or better still use one of those court ordered apps.