Staying friends after dating

[CalypsoCuthbertson]

I had 3 dates recently with a nice enough guy. He ticked all the right boxes on paper, but by the third date I wasn’t feeling sure about him. He was texting a lot daily which I found a bit draining and we just seemed to be on different wavelengths. He texted me not long after to say he wasn’t feeling the sparks he was looking for, that he thought we should move on, he gave me a few compliments and wished me all the best. I replied saying thanks for letting me know, I wasn’t feeling any sparks either but hadn’t been sure if it’s because it was still early days, wished him well. All very nice. No contact since.

Until a few weeks later, he’s just got in touch by text saying, ‘Thought I’d just drop a quick message to say hello and ask how you are? (with no other intentions). Just thought we could stay friends if nothing else, if you’re happy with that. You’re a lovely person and I think you’d be enriching my life and I hope, in some way, I could be the same for you.’

I find this a nice sentiment but a bit odd. He waved me off quite definitely a few weeks ago, and now he wants to be friends? I’m finding myself feeling a bit cross about it tbh and I’m not sure I could really trust someone as a friend if they blow hot and cold like that.

But I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive about it. This is all a bit hypothetical because we’re on different wavelengths, live a little bit away from each other, and live busy lives in different directions from each other, so the likelihood of us keeping a friendship going seems slim. But it’s bothering me because partly I think it’s nice to stay friends, and partly questioning whether that ever really works? And this particular way of doing things just feels a bit off. Am I being too sensitive about the rejection?

Why would it be nice to stay friends? You barely know this person. Why bother?

He wants to keep you in reserve in case he doesn’t find anyone else. Don’t let him blow hot and cold, you’re better than being someone’s option.

I guess there’s no harm either way but why would he want to be friends if there so no spark?

No, you have enough friends.

This will just drag out into some bait-dangling nonsense… in fact, it already has. He can piss or get off the pot.

Would you be friends if you were seeing someone else? Or if he was? If not, then you’re not going to be friends. And you’ve both decided you won’t be more than friends. And he’s not even local. And you’re not on the same wavelength. And, and…..
Seems no point.

Noooo just block him. Men generally aren’t looking for new female friends without an ulterior motive. Block and move on.

I don’t have enough friends actually - none I feel like I can call or rely on. Maybe that’s why I’m questioning it.

But to cut it off feels calmer and more my natural instinct. Thanks.

Idk, if he's not annoying and genuinely is the kind of person you would be happy to meet for a coffee or lunch, I don't see what the issue is taking him at face value?

I have had male friends I met through dating - not besties for life but more catching up very occasionally. We didn't trauma dump or talk about dating others.

Obviously block him if he goes weird or starts asking for sex.

I wouldn't overfunction or organise anything or spend money or travel to meet him. Leave the ball in his court.

If he's too much of a big texter (I definitely would not commit to having a text buddy every day!) I'd say that you'd like to stay friends, you don't have time to text much at present.

However, he should let you know if he's physically in your area for a coffee or lunch.

If you enjoy his company why not? I went in a couple dates, but we realised there was no romantic future for us but we became close friends and often went out fur lunch/museum/whatever. It was nice having male company without any pressure!