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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hubby seems resentful

8 replies

56brumm · 22/06/2025 21:56

My hubby and I have had a rough time over last few years. We separated but he never moved out. Things have been really good as friends and I asked him if we should work on things. We have spent lots of time as a family. We are taking it slow in separate rooms and it’s been good. But he is almost resentful to any thing I do and he picks faults. I put away aload of clothes and he moaned but in a joking way that I put them all in the wrong places. (Bare in mind if I didn’t put them away he wouldn’t he would live out of a washing basket)

my car was due a service so he sorted it I said how much do I owe u and he said don’t worry I will sort it.

then last week I paid for something for him around £250 but I asked if he could put the money in my bank. He said yes. And when I asked for it yesterday he said I tell u what u give me money back for the service and I will give your money bk. it’s very passive aggressive and laughs it off. So I dropped it and I’m now 250 down.

i don’t get it I said I like these particular sandles but they were pricey and he picked me a pair up. But then throws over stuff back at me.

on Father’s Day we went for lovely meal. And when the bill came he looked at the bill and said I can’t believe I have to pay for my own Father’s Day meal but I’d already got him some nice gifts of the kids. So when we when to pay I got my bank card out and in front of the waitress he said I’ll pay it so I said no it’s ok and I paid for it.

then today we took my son to get some clothes. So I picked some stuff up for my daughter. It was busy and hot so when we got to till I said I’ll wait out side. And he said I’m getting this then. While I was outside I sent him half the money to his bank and when he came out he said I didn’t have to.

just little digs constantly like he’s trying to push me away.

ive felt down the rest of the day and just tidied around and was with the kids. He is then being really nice and trying to make an effort to talk. But when I do he doesn’t seem interested. I feel he only is still here for kids.

we are going away in August and he’s planning holidays for Florida for a few years time but then acting like he can’t stand me I’m so confused.

im 38 and been with him since I was 16 he never use to be like this.

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 22/06/2025 22:09

Living together - but separate - isn’t working, is it? You could try to set some ground rules about doing money better, sure. But you’ve either got to both move back to being together, or separate properly. Half way is always going to be worst of both worlds

56brumm · 22/06/2025 22:11

We have already had that conversation about working on it and it’s good he’s just digging at me all the time. I feel he probs doesn’t want it

OP posts:
Jumpclap · 23/06/2025 08:05

None of the money stuff sounds that bad to me, apart from maybe the £250 you didn’t get back. Why didn’t you just take off the cost of the service like he suggested? It sounds like you need a conversation about whether you are now sharing finances or not. Me and my partner don’t and I would have made a jokey comment if I was expected to pay for a Mother’s Day meal, or my partner disappeared at the till!

If he didn’t used to be like this maybe he’s a bit more guarded now. I guess if you have agreed to work on things then it will take time and will require lots of honest communication.

Jumpclap · 23/06/2025 08:10

Just to add I think it’s much easier to get on as friends when you don’t have ‘relationship expectations’ of each other (especially when those expectations maybe aren’t clear or don’t match)

56brumm · 23/06/2025 08:12

Jumpclap · 23/06/2025 08:05

None of the money stuff sounds that bad to me, apart from maybe the £250 you didn’t get back. Why didn’t you just take off the cost of the service like he suggested? It sounds like you need a conversation about whether you are now sharing finances or not. Me and my partner don’t and I would have made a jokey comment if I was expected to pay for a Mother’s Day meal, or my partner disappeared at the till!

If he didn’t used to be like this maybe he’s a bit more guarded now. I guess if you have agreed to work on things then it will take time and will require lots of honest communication.

Thank you, I’m probably being sensitive, your right I probably need to calm down I’m an over thinker and once I’m in my head it’s a night mare

OP posts:
Jumpclap · 23/06/2025 08:47

Yeah, It doesn’t sound like he’s resentful to me, and clearly is making some effort. I guess it’s maybe the lack of clarity that’s making you overthink everything?

BeEagerTurtle · 23/06/2025 09:12

Jumpclap · 23/06/2025 08:05

None of the money stuff sounds that bad to me, apart from maybe the £250 you didn’t get back. Why didn’t you just take off the cost of the service like he suggested? It sounds like you need a conversation about whether you are now sharing finances or not. Me and my partner don’t and I would have made a jokey comment if I was expected to pay for a Mother’s Day meal, or my partner disappeared at the till!

If he didn’t used to be like this maybe he’s a bit more guarded now. I guess if you have agreed to work on things then it will take time and will require lots of honest communication.

Tend to agree with this, if you didn’t pay for the car service directly

Megifer · 23/06/2025 09:20

You'd think he'd he trying his best not to be an arsehole wouldn't you.

If he's like this now, imagine what he'd be like if you actually did get back together properly.

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