How do I tell him I like him...or should I??

[HungryHippoAnn]

I've worked with a colleague since December. We're both the same age and are both single (I'm separated with children and he has never been married with no children).

This definitely isn't a crush. We've got to know each other more as the months have gone on. He messages me each day and will call me for a catch up each day for half an hour about non work related stuff. The contact has increased as the months have gone on. We don't contact each other outside of work however. He is friendly with other women at work so I don't know if how he behaves with me is any different. But I really do have feelings for him. We've talked about life, wants, dating disasters, families, loss etc. Do I tell him how I feel? I've got to an age where I don't want to muck about but similarly I don't want to make things awkward. That said, we're both adults and would be able to still work together if it all went tits up.

Help! I literally can't read him and have no idea what to do.

I think so too.

I worry if I add him and he's not keen to accept, then I'm going to feel very embarrassed!

There are two colleagues I could confide in who know him and me. My worry about telling them is either a) they might accidentally tell him or b) they might also like him so then it would make things awkward

"He messages me each day and will call me for a catch up each day for half an hour about non work related stuff"

Errrm, why not after work hours if its non-work related convo? strange if you ask me

I know it's perfectly normal for women to take the first move etc etc, but I also think men know they're "supposed" to and if they were interested they would.

He must know you get on for all the reasons you do.

This reads, women can make the first move, but he should make the first move.

There are several threads about this ex-colleague.

Just ask him out for some casual meeting, if you wait for him you may be waiting forever.

No, I don't think he "should", but I think if he wanted to he would have done.

wrong! society has made most of us men hesitant just in case we shoot our shot at the person who will ruin our lives. in 2025, roles aren't the same anymore to be honest and I do blame some weirdos for causing it but there is also the opportunists who have messed the old approach.

I asked a woman out who i worked(not against policy) with because she kept looking at me in a flirty way for weeks, texting me outside of work and the next day after I asked her via text, it was the day her husband found out who I knew even existed and next day I was called in for a meeting as he threatened my work place.

On the other hand, if you add him and he doesn't accept, then you have your answer without having to talk to him about your feelings.

How would you feel about telling him that you really enjoyed his company and were wondering whether he would be interested in meeting up sometime outside work.

the whole ‘if he liked you, you would know’ works for lots of men, not however imo, for the shy kind who can be great partners once they are sure of their ground.

You will never know until you ask him.

At your ages, you are divorcing and have children, he has never been married or had children, he may not want to be a stepfather, but again you will never know until you ask him.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't understand people who have partners and they keep them secret. Usually when someone is asked, how was your weekend etc? They say: I went with DP to .. bla bla.. " I think if she never mentioned him she was doing it on purpose.

Ask him if not you'll never know and you'll always wonder what if..?

This thread is from June... @HungryHippoAnn did you tell him?

I'd be thinking this too. Also he is friendly with other women and presumably messages them too. I don't think I'd pursue this one OP, and I'm usually the type of person to say go for it

You obviously get on and he enjoys spending time with you. But is there any flirting between you both eg playful touches, lingering eye contact, gentle teasing?

If not I would try and flirt a little to test the waters and see if you can nudge things out of the friend zone. If he reciprocates, then tell him how you feel. If he pulls back then you know the romantic interest isn't there.

And yes, add him on Facebook. It's a small, baby step to moving things outside the workplace and doesn't have to be a big deal.

I think the more recent thread gives an update on this.

Link please? X

Just to update, no I didn't tell them. They left the company I work for and decided to leave it at that. I didn't see the point.

You did the right thing not telling him then as if he was interested he would have asked to stay in contact.

If he left it's the best moment to ask him to meet for a coffee, you don't need to see him again if he says he does not want to meet you.

So let me get this straight, you became unable to eat because you were thinking so much about him, came on here to ask whether you should message him, 90% said you should, you waited until the message that said you shouldn't, you haven't bothered and now you don't care?