As years go, 2025 is not my finest.
My mum was terminally ill. I had also moved 250 miles to a new town and new job to enable a future with the man who loved me (apparently).
I thought we had a good relationship. Indeed, on Good Friday morning he was professing his love. I was supposedly the best thing that had ever happened to him.
We had however had an argument on Thursday night about him helping my mum whilst I was at work. He said no... I became upset. And (not great) I froze. This was the first argument in two years
On Good Friday morning, I asked him to leave. I needed time to myself.
He didn't leave. During the course of Friday, he told me how much he loved me, how I was the best thing that ever happened to him, how good we were for each other... I returned home on Friday night and he had emptied the house of his belongings, left without a note, and fled to his brother's. He wouldn't answer my calls. The best I got from him were formal 'Im with my family, I can't talk...' messages. On Easter Monday, I arrived at my desk and he sent me a WhatsApp message with the words
' From my perspective, our relationship should end. I sincerely wish you all the best for the future.'
One day later, he told a close friend that he wanted the separation to be amicable as he didn't want there to be a bad atmosphere if we met in a mountaineering hut (we are both mountaineers). Introspection and empathy are not his thing...
He wouldn't talk to me. He certainly didn't show any compassion.
Two weeks after his callous ending, mum died. I was extremely close to mum.
Why the hell am I beating myself up about a man, who was skin deep, when I have lost someone who genuinely loved me?
I should be grateful to lose someone so insincere and shallow but I am beating myself up about someone who never loved me. This, despite the loss of someone, who did love me....
Logic tells me how to think. The heart and emotions are not there.
Friends tell me I have dodged a bullet. My heart tells me I have failed, and what I have lost, not helped by his party party photos and brutal ease in how he moves on.
We were together for 2.5 years.
I should be grateful. I certainly shouldn't be wasting any time even thinking about him, given the loss of my best friend and mum, but here I am....
Anyone own a magic wand to dispose of grief and rejection?
Asking for a friend...