Pathetic at my age?

[Trainfemale]

I am in my fifties and have been on my own for many years. My work situation means I tend to be a lone worker. I started a part time job where I have to commute by train (park and ride) and I have been assisted a few times with my bags by a guy also in his fifties. We have chatted briefly a few times when getting off the train and he once drove me to my car when it was raining. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring. He has my business card and has been transferred to another area with his job where he will only be home at weekends but may be transferred back in another year or so. I honestly don’t have the confidence to ask him outright if he is with someone although I referred to it casually one time (at least your family can sometimes join you for weekends at the new location) but the answer wasn’t obvious one way or the other and it wasn’t being avoided. He more often than not travelled with a male colleague but I managed to have light hearted banter a few times but he seems the quiet type.

i feel so stupid liking this guy from afar but it would really embarrass me to make a move and worse if I was rejected plus it’s not something I could bring myself to do.

I’m just wondering what older guys think. He’s not interested is he?

Maybe it indicates that you are ready to give dating a go?

From what you have said, there is little to go on so far. Even if not married, he may have a partner. Do you even know his full name?

OP you need to start taking chances. If he rejects you, you'll be embarrassed for a while - so what? He may be shy or he may not be interested but you'll never know if you don't take the risk.

So does he even know that you’re single? I think that, in his shoes, I’d feel very wary of coming across as a dirty old man hitting on a woman who as far as I knew, could be married / with a partner / gay / uninterested. Does his job move mean there will be no more opportunities to bump into each other at the station for a long time?? If so you’ve got to take a chance. Now!

Dortin,
You’re right, I don’t have much to go on because I didn’t want to appear too obvious with my questions. I know his first name, the company he works for, the car he drives and the area where he lives.

MiloMinderbinder925
I was hoping to find out if he was unattached without saying in so many words, that way if he isn’t available/interested he’d not be aware I’m interested in him.

Ask him if he's taking the family away anywhere interesting over the summer.

Bittenonce
i don’t wear a wedding ring, not that it means anything nowadays and I made a joke within earshot saying I’d need to start going out with my work bags as they attract men (who help me carry them) and he made a jokey reply.
I think he may be transferred next week, I’m not too sure but honestly I just don’t have it in me to make a move. I had hoped the banter etc would relax him enough to ask me….unfortunately it has worked (unintentionally) with other commuters who have hit on me. Typical!

What about saying something like i really want to go to ........ but I dont really have anyone to go with and see what he says

MiloMinderbinder925
I already said to him that when he was away at least his family could join him for a break some of the time. He said some colleagues did that.
i think he may be out of area now.
Honestly, I am useless if I like a guy - I just won’t approach anyone.

It's difficult and I know how you feel, you feel very vulnerable and scared of rejection. My point is you need to take risks and the only negative is a bit of embarrassment.

"Fancy a drink before you leave? I know a good bar around the corner."

I asked someone out for lunch and he said no. We were work colleagues and I had to see him every day but I just got on with it.

MiloMinderbinder925
He has been travelling with some male colleagues lately and I think he may be starting in the new area next week. I was going to joke with him that I was expecting a text to the end of job night out (there isn’t one that I’m aware of but he has my business card)

Ask him to let you know how he's getting on in the new area and he's got your number. If he doesn't, I'd move on.

I agree with this but would add...he's got your number.....if he wants to meet up. Good luck.

If you have his first name and the company he works for you could prob find out his full name. You could then check out his socials to see if there are photos or mentions of a partner/wife/husband.

This is moving a bit fast for me. You say you know his name, car, the company he works for and the area. I’d start by considering that he might be potential friend material and ask if he fancies a coffee sometime, just as friends.

then get to know him a bit better before considering anything else. He may be a great friend, and you can then evaluate his potential for more.

Trying to ask casually whether he is attached will not weed out the ones who are attached with no intention of breaking up but who are up for a bit on the side.

Dont put all your eggs in one basket, keep an eye out for other potential friends at the same time. Good luck.

Guess all the women who post asking how they can meet someone IRL - just need to catch your ‘love train’ 🤣 if you can’t fight them off, maybe you just need to switch your attention to one of the other lonely commuters who you know is interested?!

I suspect that if he'd been interested he would have been very keen to let you know he was single at the first opportunity. Your question gave him the perfect chance to do that, and he didn't take it - and in fact he side-stepped it in a way that suggests he doesn't want you to know his marital status.