My marriage has ended today. Need advice.

[goodhearts]

Hi , police was called today as husband verbally abuse me. He has left the house without any belongings. He has all the support from his family as they live nearby while my family is in different country. we both have professional careers. Mortgage is on joint names. I don’t know how my life is now going to turn out. we have 3 children, ideally i don’t want to sell the house. Youngest child is 6 years old. My salary is £36k plus CHB. I do not want to live with him anymore and i understand he has the right to live in the property but it’s not nice for my children to feel this friction. I am not sure whether I can apply some sort of order through court that he has to live elsewhere. Please guide me how can i financially survive this. I work from home. Thank you for reading.

Apologies my head is very messy - i hope my post still makes sense.

I’m so sorry for the difficult situation you’re in. See if you can move this to the relationships board where you’ll get excellent advice, I’m sure.

this sounds really difficult, OP. See if you can get yourself some help from CAB and look up solicitors - many but not all will offer a free initial conversion if you are going to be seeking a divorce.

As the police have been involved, and you have young children, social services might be informed so that they can make sure that the children are being kept safe.

If you report your own post you can ask for it to be moved to the relationships board.

Did the police take him away? Charge him?

Thank you both- I have reported and asked this to move to Relationship board.

So sorry you are facing this. Anyone can get 30 minute free consultation with family law solicitors- you can just fill in an online form and they will call you on their next business day. You may be able to get further help with legal costs for domestic abuse - look into legal aid.

@plantsdieinmyhouse He did leave earlier before they have arrived. He was intoxicated and was out all night. I provided the address where he is more likely to be- I’m not sure whether he is charged or not at this stage.

You should seek personal legal advice. In situations like this I believe that Occupation Orders can be applied for which (if granted) would restrict your DH’s access to the home for a short time, or until an event (such as a divorce). They can be for an indefinite amount of time but I understand they are rare.

The specific circumstances of your relationship are relevant which is why you’ll need to discuss with a solicitor. It may be that you have a strong case, or a not so strong case; they should be able to advise you but the legal mechanism is out there.

so sorry to hear this has happened @goodhearts , are you a British citizen by naturalisation ?

If he is not charged for any reason (as police weren’t that bothered and all they were concerned about physical abuse) I hope I can still apply for some court order. Part of me does not want to mess up his job as i would be relying on maintenance from him.It’s really hard to separate my feelings. All I want to be free from him.I will be contacting Solicitors tomorrow. He said a lot of nasty things to me but why I still care for him

Thank you all for your supportive messages

Does he have form for yelling and verbal abuse ? was it the neighbours who called the police ?

Glad that you and your children are safe for now - Yes you can still get a Court order via your solicitor to keep your H out of the house on safety grounds, even without the police charging him - they may have let him off with a warning if only verbal and first time , but they will have a record of being called to your house for the abuse incident.

If he isn’t charged you will still be able to apply for a court order.

This is what chatGPT says (but I cannot stress this enough, you need specialised legal advice):

The court must make an order if the applicant (you) (or any relevant child) is likely to suffer significant harm due to the respondent’s (your DH) continued presence in the home more than the respondent would suffer if excluded.

However, if both parties would suffer harm, the court must weigh which harm is more significant.

A court will consider:

• Housing needs of each party and any children.
• Housing resources available to each of them.
• Financial resources (ability to secure alternative accommodation).
• Likely effect of any order (or lack of it) on the health, safety or wellbeing of the parties and children.
• Conduct of the parties (though this isn’t the same as “blame”; it’s more about behaviour relevant to safety/welfare).

The children’s welfare will be a paramount consideration.

It was verbal abuse - He called me all sorts of names . Then he snatched my phone while i was calling emergency services- I thought he will hit me for a second as he was so close. I feel ashamed to even share this with my family yet, that it’s all over.

I will be seeking specialist legal advice on Monday. I know I will have more answers on Monday- How much approximately court order is going to cost ?

There is no fee for the court application but you will need to budget for the legal advice, representation and preparation of any supporting evidence. I don’t know how much that will cost, the solicitor should let you know their costs at the outset.

Thank you. I hope I will qualify for UC but i highly doubt it . I have about £10k savings and half of them are tied to lifetime ISA.

Call your local women's aid OP , they can provide a lot of useful advice and support on the practical, emotional and financial sides of current situation

Stay strong, good luck !