Should I presume he's lost interest or believe his excuse?

[Hopemountains4u]

For the last month I've been really connecting with a long term acquaintance. He was right there. Didn't make me worry. Messaged throughout the day. Communicated well. It felt like it was deeper than alot of men. It was very much honest open and respectful. We both talked about the good bad and ugly. We joked about life. Sexusl stuff wasn't a big part of it. One or two cheeky comments and lovely compliments were shared. He told me that he'd recently tried a steroid for arthritis that really didn't agree with him. He's 36 so quite young for it. He works etc. He did say he's been quite avoidant of socialising in recent years after some life set backs.

We had arranged to meet up again soon. We had a lovely evening chatting 2 nights ago. We talked in depth and shared some of our experiences with farming. The next day I heard nothing. I was surprised. I sent one message saying I hope works OK.

24 hours later I messaged saying I just wanted to check you are OK (he hadn't been online) he replied 8 hours later saying he was abit overwhelmed as the Dr's had given him sobe unexpected/expected news and he had needed to get his head around it. He said it wasn't me. He didn't mean to blank me and asked if I was OK. I replied 2 hours later after work. I was kind and said I was sorry to hear that. I said I was here if he needed to talk it through. I said I was OK but really hot and that I hoped he felt slightly better today?
He opened it yesterday 24 hours later. But no response. He didn't go online again after 2pm.

I feel OK about it. It's hard for me to easily connect and I did feel hope with him. But I am starting to question if it's me. I attracted a date in December who ghosted me after 2 dates. He was newly divorced and we have remained friends as after 3 months we laughed it off.

I haven't met anyone else yet to date.

Do you think he's used his health as a way to escape me? What would u do now? Completely stay quiet? I'm not one to text at this stage asking for truth. I'd look weak if I asked wouldn't I? I am loosing feelings rapidly now...

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to reply to a text so he does sound easily overwhelmed and lacking in empathy to not at least just send a message to put your mind at ease.

Likely he will approach again when he feels like it but you now know it’s all about him and his feelings first. Ghosting is so rude.

I wouldn’t do anything dramatic like block him or message again. If he does get back in touch full of apologies just say no worries I am happy to give you space as you’re clearly not ready for a relationship. Then ignore him.

How much in person vs texting as happened?

I could be reading your post wrong, but it sounds like he’s suddenly backed off when he had to actually meet up with you. He’s probably someone that just wants a penpal. Time to move on

I did online dating (now happily with my partner for quite a while) - the men who disappear or are on and off are not interested. Interested men simply don’t disappear and are a constant presence in your life and you never need to question. Move on swiftly to next one please and I wouldn’t even reply any more to this one

Hi he's messaged once yesterday saying he had been diagnosed with bipolar. Asked how I was. I replied. He's only just replied at 2pm today. Yesterday he said he did want to continue getting to no me. But once again he's not responded to my 2pm message today.

It's abit weird at this stage isn't it.

I think I need to move on.

This sounds incredibly harsh, but given the diagnosis, see it as a lucky escape. I say this as someone who lived with a guy with bipolar. It was utter chaos, his moods were impossible to predict.

You are being too intense. The poor guy has devastating news that he needs to process, and most likely needs some time alone. You have offered hgim support, so now you need to stop messaging and just let him be. If he is interested he will resume contact with you when the time is right. Please leave the poor guy alone for now.

Agree with this. Even when dating, real life still intrudes.

Without wishing to sound like a second rate Eastenders scriptwriter, it ain’t all abahht you.

What pps and @Stolenyouth said.

I wouldn't waste huge amounts of time communicating or thinking about him, just start filling your life with other things.

I'd be worried he thinks now he's Been Honest about his diagnosis you'll feel obliged to be on-call for him, even if he's ignoring you and flaky. Put yourself first, do some self-care.

I have some long term MH issues as do several people I know well.

Ultimately it is our responsibility to deal with, and it doesn't stop us being reliable if we're building or pursuing friendships we're genuinely interested in.

Yeah it's OK I won't message him Im only replying if he asks a question and I don't send a second message.

I've lost interest anyway it's not exactly fun and it's day 5 of it now.
My ex had bpd and he was horrible tbh. I'm not really wanting another person who's heavy and it will be about them.

Thanks for the replies

This.

A sudden disappearance does not always equal ghosting or lack of interest. However, I wouldn’t take this further. I know someone with bipolar who has not left their bedroom in four years. It can be crippling. Do you want this life? It’s so early; I wouldn’t continue.

Totally disagree I have various mh health problems and quite frankly do not deal well with changes, bad news, appointments etc and it can take me several days before I feel like texting or chatting to even my own family. It overwhelms and makes you feel so exhausted your mind shuts down. Luckily my family friends knows this and fully understand on the occasions they don't get a reply for up to a week that I'm struggling with something and will come out of it

It’s not a life I’d knowingly sign up for; it’s different if it’s an existing relationship because you’ll love and support them as much as they need. A practical stranger though? After one or two dates? No thanks; life is complicated enough.

OP he's not the one