I can't seem to snap out of this/just spiralling

[Loopylooni]

Prefixing this with the fact that I have lots of friends and an amazing family. My relationship broke down recently because ex DP wanted more time with me and was resenting my children. Its floored me really.

Childrens dad was terribly abusive but has managed to make massive life changes and has gotten married. I'm happy for him and I've ensured the children get on well.

But I feel incredibly sad that my own relationship didn't work out. It gave me this taste of happiness then all gone. I feel at times I'm going through life motions but no desire to do much more. It was only recently that I've started to even look in the mirror.

I feel to force myself to get out dating as i know years will pass before i know it. Friends think im supermum/woman. Inside I'm devastated that there was no compromise.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this op.

Relationships with existing kids can be extremely difficult to negotiate. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault; you can have great love between two people but the timing isn’t right.

And abusive relationships can leave their mark too.

It seems extremely unfair that your dc’s dad ends up happy when you are going through such sadness. If your ex wouldn’t compromise and resented your dc, it was never going to work though.

The one thing I would advise is not to go rushing in to more dating op. Take a moment to analyse where things went wrong. Maybe consider some counselling for yourself. Get to a point where you are happy on your own before considering another relationship.

I’m really sorry that you are feeling so devastated right now but you won’t always feel this way I promise. There will be better times ahead. 💐

@Onescoopofmashplease thank you for replying. I appreciate the advice a lot. I'm generally a nice person so I feel like im meant to be fine with my ex DP because he's allowed to change his mind/want other things. He had no kids so wanted me all the time. We just had so many relationship experiences that id always dreamed of having, that it's hard to try and pretend they never happened.

And of course i should be fine with my children's dad because he's also allowed to be happy. His partner is good to the children.

The children are really happy because I've worked hard to give them a stable happy life. Its just me who feels like it was meant to be my moment and now I feel like im on the sidelines again. I don't feel I can give my heart out again but at the same time, I dont want years to pass and im still introspective.

Hi again Loopylooni your feelings are completely understandable and valid. Don’t feel you should feel a certain way or another! You feel how you feel and that’s that! 😀👍

Generally speaking, there is a substantial bridge of incomprehension between people who have dc and those who don’t. It’s just hard to comprehend the love, the worry, the physical effort, and relentless mental load that comes with them!

Your ex is in love with a version of you that doesn’t exist. This is his problem, not yours! It shows a lack of maturity on his part frankly.

I’m so sorry it didn’t work out as you had wished 💐. Sometimes love on its own just isn’t enough. Circumstances and timing have to align too. And it’s simply crap when they don’t! So don’t feel bad about feeling bad!

Take care x

@Onescoopofmashplease thank you again for the wise words. I guess i was so happy too but when he couldn't handle the reality of my life, it really hurt that he didn't like it. So how to start afresh though, I feel like I am too empty inside to date again but at the same time, if I don't make an effort, I will just become a hermit!

How are you doing today @Loopylooni ?
I hope you are holding up?

Would some talking therapy help, from
someone who is good?

@Onescoopofmashplease thank you for checking in. Im resigned to my situation really and just putting one foot in front of the other. I just often cant help thinking this wasnt how it was meant to be. I was meant to leave a bad situation and find my happiness. Instead my ex gets that, then my partner gets cold feet/decides he doesnt want this. There's a back story here in that we have known each other a long time so my situation was nothing new. Anyway, its ok, it just wasnt meant to be like this/

I have a friend in a very unhappy relationship and i was honest with her that you have to be prepared for a life alone because that risk is there. I think she's sticking it out because she'd rather that than be alone.