Opinion on 20 and 37 year old?

[YourOpalKoala]

What's your opinion on a 37 year old man in a casual fling with a 20 year old man?

If it was your DS, how would you react?

i don’t think there is a single DECENT 37 yo who would date a 20yo. Not one.

I would be really unhappy and uncomfortable with this, if it were my DC.

From 18-20 I was in a relationship with a 38-40 year old man and it was honestly fine, we got on well and he was never abusive.

Now I’m in my 30s I still have friendships and get on with people in their earlier 20s and also people 20+ years older so can see how relationships happen despite age gaps.

people definitely will judge but I tend to think as long as they’re adults, there would be other things I would look to be worried about before age. how is the relationship otherwise?

The gender is irrelevant to me, a 20 year old & a 37 year old makes me uncomfortable, male or female.

Id have concerns. Thats not a normal healthy relationship, thats a transaction.

Isn't this a long-established rite of passage for gay men? I find it creepy, but am acutely aware that gay relationships tend to be a lot more sexually ... focused than is normal in het life. I've been heavily assured that the old/young relationships have been positive experiences for all concerned; many stay friends for life.

Been with my man since 20. I'm now 39.

It has been like any other relationship. Ups and downs. Been through somethings together. Both earn the same. Live together with our cat. He was 39 when I got with him.

Let people live how they want to unless there is some power play. There isn't with us. I've always liked older men and no daddy issues.

It works for us and always has. He never ever stopped me living my 20s and I wouldn't have let him. I'm very head strong and intelligent. I went clubbing and did whatever I wanted. We moved in together when I was 25. Also I have never once cheated on him and he hasn't on me.

Mumsnet has issues with age gaps amd assumes people don't know their own minds at 20.

They are at completely different stages of their lives...

I would find it really selfish of someone who is almost 40 to date a 20 year old who should be enjoying his youth and interacting with his peers rather than being stuck with someone much older.

I would question their motivation (unable to connect with people his age because of a lack of maturity, wanting a younger person to control/manipulate).

Whether male or female, I would find the idea creepy.

I dated a 38 yo when I was 21. For a short relationship it was absolutely fine - no power dynamic at all. I wouldn't marry or have a lt relationship with anyone more than 3 years older. I'm 50 now and would not want a 67yo partner.

It really depends upon their particular characters. It can work. However I was in a similar situation (even younger though) and thought it made me very grown up and sophisticated. Having actually grown up now I can see that I wasn't and I wonder what the fuck he was thinking. It was definitely creepy. Any decent 35 year old wouldn't really have any interest in a relationship with a 16 year old, even if they were mature for their age.

Unless signs of abuse etc I wouldn't give it a second thought

If you could have fathered or given birth to your partner...the age gap is too big

Yeah noticed from looking around lol

They are all sexist too cause I seen middle aged woman doing it with teens and many people saying it's okay.

They can't have it both ways lol.

I teach 20 year olds. They are children really, so naive about the world. I would never date one!

They have good points. In male female relationships there’s a particular already present imbalance that an age difference with an older man can make so much wore. Does it work for some? Sure. I’d think they are the exception that proves the rule. More often than not she differences with older men to younger female partners is full of deep underlying imbalance issues.

I think you are being quite ageist there.

I think generalising about an age is naive.

Just because the ones you teach do not know how to be mature, doesn't mean all of people aged 20 do not.

I was earning then. I went onto a mortgage at 21. I'm now in a well paid job. I have always had an old head and I knew what I wanted.

Lol I disagree. The power imbalance Is just as much as with older women and young men. Boys develop later than girls mentally and are just as easy to control.

There are plenty of successful age gaps with these age differences between men and women, you can look around here too. I seen some older women and young men too.

I didn't even say it's a relationship though. If they are just hooking up, there really isn't any difference whether it's a man or woman, it's just people are biased towards the man lol.

It's not that they're not mature. Many of them are in jobs, managing to live independently overseas, studying well etc. they just are naive about the world still.

And no I can't say ALL 20 year olds are like this but the thousands of students I've taught over the last 20+ years have been. They're still finding their feet and they just haven't experienced things yet and learned the ways of the world. It's not a slur against them.

Grim. I would hate it if it were my child.

I’m 50 too and kinda depends who that late 60s man is eg I’d have Sean Bean (66) in a heartbeat! 😁

Grim
They know nothing at 20.

Lol this made me laugh at how ridiculous it is.

As you seem to be the 20-year-old here, Koala, it might not have crossed your mind that the people saying this have already been 20? They remember what they and their friends knew (everything, lol), and can see what they've learned since.

Presumably your 37-year-old pal's appeal lies partly in the knowledge he's gained through the years since he was 20.

''@YourOpalKoala · Yesterday 20:11
Lol this made me laugh at how ridiculous it is.''

OP, I think you just proved the point made about you being rather immature with this type of reply...

Oh yeah, deffo and Neeson. (Also Tom Jones, don't hate me, there's a reason women throw knickers at him)