do 10 year old girls regularly change best friends?

[chocolatespiders]

i feel slightly sorry for my dd....

she has been frinds with a girl for the last couple of years, this last year it has become more best friends, she is here a lot, and come swimming, and dd spent time with the girls family, and all of a sudden last week they are not talking, other girl is best friends with someone else and going away on hols this week with her. and dd has been sidelined..... now i a do realise i dont know the full story.... but i thought girls went through the phase of changing friends. or am i wrong.... just feel a it sad for dd she seems a bit lost as the girl lives in walking distance so she used to call for her etc

Age 10 (yr 5 primary?) is a really awful year in my experience - for mothers of dds. I have a 10 year old dd too and this year has been non-stop falling out with longstanding friends and regrouping with others. All the mothers in my dd's class agree and we are all at our wits' end. There has been some real nastiness involved too - I hope your dd is not getting that too.

I think it is all part of moving away from being little girls to trainee teenagers.

thanks for posting coffecrazedmama.

yep year 5...

I hate to see my dd unhappy.. and it may have happened because the other girl invited dd's best friend away i am not sure.....

the hols are sure going to drag now as they would go to the park walk to the shop , dance, play, etc etc

my own memory is that it is just like that

Oh yes we've had this too. DD fell out with people regularly and now doesn't talk mention "best friends", just friends, although various girls seem to claim her as their BF, at different times.

It's best not to get involved in the details IME, unless the situation demands it. Just be a sympathetic ear. It'll pass, eventually.

My DD has matured a lot recently and has been able to take a step back from it all. Thank goodness - it was horrible for her and exhausting for everyone at the time.

I've had similar problems with my DD who will be 10 this year. She's had so many fall-outs with such good friends just lately I was beginning to wonder if there was something seriously wrong with DD...but I've been told by a Year 5 teacher that this type of behaviour is pretty normal with girls...hormones are racing around and yes, they are growing up into trainee teenagers.

DD fell out with her best mate last week. It was over something pretty trivial, its not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. They're all as stubborn as one another.

All I can do is listen. I listen to her whenever she wants to talk to me. Whether it be walking home from school, in the car, shopping or even at bedtime. Just be 'ears'. There is nothing worse than having a Mum who doesn't have the time to listen - as was the case when I was DD's age. They need to off-load. It helps them and it helps you to understand them more.

...and to think I've got to go through all this again with my other DD. Oh the joys of motherhood!

thanks all for some great advice, and i have to say i am a bit relieved it isnt just my dd iyswim.....

yes i am also dreading dd2 who is only 4 doing the same in 6years time...............
hopefully i will be an expert by then

Keep in touch then cos I've also got a DD who is 4yrs old and already falling out with kids in her playgroup...only to make friends again later in the day...oh dear!

whispywhisp- TBH, i kind of expect it at dd2's age... as they are just finding there feet etc, I think thats why i have a been a bit unprepared with this for dd1 as i thought it would have all passed by now...obviously not.......ARGGHHHHHHH

I think i have to except that every differnt age brings it's different challenges

I can confirm that Year 5 is when it all starts - but look out for Year 9 too, when they start reviewing the new friends they've made at senior school...

Year 9? Oh I'll have either emigrated by then (on my own), have had her adopted or sent to live elsewhere!!!!!!!! (nah..only joking!)

Re DD2....She is far more confident/advanced with her behaviour than DD1 was at 4yrs old...I do wonder if its due to having an elder sister? She tells me she's going to have three babies, by three different boyfriends and live with us! Where on earth she gets that idea, at just 4, I shall never know!

please dont emigrate with out me!!!!

dd2 is also much more confident and sometimes shockingly more outgoing then dd1 ever was...

even now dd1 sometimes forced dd2 into doing somthing with her as a kind of security as dd1 not confident to do it on her own

Yes...my DD2 comes out with things which I've either never heard before or I'm so shocked I just stand there catching flies! It's like she's trying to live the life of a 9yr old in a 4yr old's body!!

I have taught Y5 for the past 6 years. Believe me, this is so common. Trust me, things will probably be back to normal next week. I have spent many a lunchtime and playtime trying to console and help groups of Y5 girls who have fallen out. Hang on in there.

Thank you Chip. Nice to know us parents needn't worry!

Oh NO !!!! I was told things improved in Year 5, Year 4 has been like this for us. But they are all going up to Middle school so get moved around in Year 5, so maybe that's why they all fall out in Year 4 instead here

oh yes year 5 is awful

I remember my sister and a group of about 10 of them changing friends everyday. It was ridiculous. it caused so many arguments and upsets. In the end all the mothers convened and did something. NOt sure quite what they did, but it worked and they are all now best friends in 6th form!

DD1 is in year 4 - starts year 5 in September and moves up to 'Upper' school..whatever that is...because they stay in the same school. Perhaps moving into 'Upper' school makes a difference? She will also have her sister in year R which is in a separate school but just the other side of a field so perhaps having her there may/may not help?

After DD has told me the ins and outs of what she's fallen out over with her mates...I can't work out WHY they've fallen out at all. All a bit beyond me tbh.

whispy - lots of junior schools divide into 'lower school' Y3 & Y4 & 'Upper School' Y5 & Y6. They may have Upper & Lower School teams of teachers who plan together; generally if they talk about Upper & Lower schools they may well have different guidelines for how independent children are expected to be - eg 'Next year when you're in the Upper school, you're expected to find your own lost property, not expect the teacher to look for it'

When we used to have mixed age classes, we'd mix 3/4 or 5/6 but not 4/5, and we worked on a 2-year rolling programme for subjects like History, Geography, Science & RE. We don't have mixed age classes any more but the Y6/5 & Y4/3 teachers still plan together.

Totally agree about year 9 Rusty - I have one of those too and from where I'm standing that is what year 5 is training for!

Agree about keeping out of it. Dd3 (yr 5) is having such a volatile year and has had a lot of tear-filled journeys home from school but I haven't gone to school about it because a. it never helps and b. the mothers are mostly good friends so we discuss it and shake our heads and wait for it to blow over.

Then someone else spoke to me the other morning about how mean dd was being to her dd (pfb) and she was going to the teacher about it. So teacher, who is new and v. young, will see dd as a troublemaker when she has herself been on the receiving end of some incredibly spiteful behaviour from others. (I did say how sorry I was and disappointed that dd would do to someone else what she had suffered, btw).

Oh and when I collected dd yesterday they had kissed and made up anyway, before teacher had said anything!