Think I’ve fallen out of love with husband

[OneTealHiker]

ive been with DH for 10 years, we have two small children and earlier this year, I found out I was pregnant. Immediately after finding out he said he wanted me to abort, but I did not want to. He made it clear that he did not want to raise another child and that I may be tackling a lot of the parenting of the new baby on my own if I decided to keep the baby because he would not change his work schedule to accommodate a baby. I went through with the procedure and ever since, I think that I have fallen out of love with him, during the pregnancy, he said some things that made me feel unsupported and unloved. I went through a DEEP depression after the termination and I feel very disconnected from him. He has been complaining of a lack of intimacy between us and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want my children to be without their father, and frankly, I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t see him the same as before

He has failed you in the most cruel way so I am not surprised you have fallen out of love. What he has done to you is going to change how you see him. He too is responsible with protection so pregnancy does not happen. And abandoning you in the manner he has done, morally and as a life partner I am not surprised you feel the way you do. You have every right to those emotions.

What you are asking yourself here, if you can do things alone, do you want to, is he going to be there for your children if you do leave him etc. I am sure you have gone over things. With small children its also hard to find time to digest difficult decisions that will change things for everyone. But will you trust your DH for your mental health and well being in the future if you stay?

I don't think your H understands what marriage is supposed to be about OP.

To more or less bulldoze you into the termination of the pregnancy is absolutely appalling.

And I think you no longer loving him after experiencing his selfish and uncaring behaviour towards you and his unborn child is a normal reaction

You now know who he is and what his priorities are.

I honestly don't think your relationship can come back from this.

I think you should be exploring your financial options regarding separation.

You can and will survive without this man in your life. You will be happier.

I think any woman would fall out of love with a husband like that.
So many women think they can't leave but really when they do, eventually they are so much better off.

I’m sorry you have been through that, it must have been incredibly difficult to deal with. I think a lot of people would feel the same way having been so unsupported. Would counselling be an option for you to try to work through it together, if you would want to try it. He needs to know how significantly how he acted has affected you and your relationship. It may be that what’s done is done and there’s so coming back from it, but it also may be that if you both want to work at it there is a chance to get things back on track.

To me I’m thinking of course you don’t want to be intimate - what’s happened has been connected to that / and now your husband has let you down there

I think he has a cheek!!!

intimacy isn’t sex! He needs to negotiate with you - which is loving you and being in it with you - so sorry you have been so let down here

Why hasn't he had a vasectomy?

Sorry to hear you’re going through such a tough time. My husband and I are in a similar stage of our lives to you - together 10 years, 2 small children. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with the second, my husband (bluntly) told me he didn’t want any more children and booked himself in for a vasectomy. I think that’s what bothers me about your post - your husband didn’t do that and didn’t use any contraception. I wonder if counselling would help, or even just talking to your husband if you feel able to and know that he’ll really listen? Whether it be for your relationship or for your own mental health, it’s important to move on. One thing I will add, is that everyone has different views on abortion and early pregnancy - my husband and I have different views and I only learnt that after I became pregnant with the second after 8 years of marriage.

OP I really feel for you.
My ex husband did a similar thing. I was 50/50 on how we would deal with another baby but he wanted it gone.
I walked out of the abortion clinic in tears saying I couldn't do it but he brought me back and persuaded me.
Now, I wish I had never listened as I regret my decision.
We are no longer together but there were many reasons as well as this one.
I did struggle with how cold he was when he seemed to love our other children.