DP & ‘his ways’

[Mantii24]

Moved in with DP last year. both second serious relationship for us after divorce.
he has expressed i load the dishwasher incorrectly as i didn’t have one previously. as he said the way i load it , it doesn’t clean dishes correctly.
he also hates the way i dry clean clothes. i prefer a clothes horse winter and occasionally in the summer i used to put them on the washing line. he said he only uses a clothes rack in thr winter when the weather is bad.
i did just fine for years raising a family before i met him so i just ignore him as mr.perfect does things that piss me off too. i jus dont let them irritate me.
so it came to a head recently when he commented that washing should be out the the line. i lost it. i told him
i wont be washing a single item of his clothes anymore nor doing any more dishes etc
will be buying separate laundry basket and washing of my own separately.

DD ended up in A&E with a hay-fever induced allergic reaction a few weeks ago. I don't dry any washing outside at any time of year, I'm not taking the risk of pollen getting on it.

We also have a lot of trees round here. Maybe the rest of you enjoying wearing tree sap but it's not for me.

Why on earth are you doing his washing in first place? Sounds like you’ve moved in and taken over the housework!

Leave him to sort his own laundry which he can
do his own way.

The way to combat this is if he wants things done his way he has to do them himself. So his jobs can be pack the dishwater and you can unpack and his job can be hanging out clothes.

he cannot expect you do things the exact way he does them as you are not him. There’s no need to argue cede the ground and let him do it.

my DP has too many directions for hanging clothes so I let him do it. I just remind him so the washing doesn’t sit in the machine all day!

All these people asking why you’re “doing his laundry” - in many smaller (3 people or fewer) households there is just “the laundry”. If I waited for enough of my own stuff for a full wash it would take ages. All people who are competent take turns in putting on a wash of everyone’s stuff.

But this situation - he can do it himself or accept how you do things. Madness to have a house full of wet washing though in this weather!

Well yes it is up to OP if she wants to load dishwasher incorrectly and has to rewash stuff and drying washing inside when it hot making the house damp and humid
it’s not unreasonable to ask her not to do both
kest be honest if someone posted her DH was doing this he’d be called a useless twat doing it in purpose and weaponised incompetence

What I don‘t get is why people don‘t talk about this stuff and make an agreement before you move in together. My DH hates cooking, I hate chores after dinner so we agreed, I do the cooking, he clears up after. He doesn‘t advise on cooking, I don‘t offer advice on loading the dishwasher. Peace and harmony reign (we may occasionally disagree on other topics 😂).

he brushes DS teeth, I read bedtime stories. I do food shopping, he walks DS to school. I mean, we’re adults, both have full time jobs and hobbies but surely the only way to make it work is to identify what needs to be done and find a fair way to split it.

People do things differently. 🤷🏼‍♀️
In my house of 3 adults do their own laundry and we take it in turns to do communal and DS’s.
DH was 40 when I met him and he’d been doing his own washing since he was 13. He’s happy enough sorting his own stuff and I’m the same with mine.
it never takes us long to get a full load.

the washing is easy

Leave him to hang it out and bring it in

(Have to say, I do agree with him)

Then he can do it himself, can’t he?