Partner doesn’t trust me?

[ExhaustedGirl]

Hi All
Advice and perspective would be much appreciated.
My partner (32M) and I (26F) have been together for 7 years. We were in process of closing on a house, moving in together and have lots of future holidays etc planned.
At start of our relationship (I was 18/19) my partner was on my phone and found me messaging friends from school about personal things - now I admitted at the time that those messages were wrong, not flirtatious but more personal, I was young and newly in a relationship and apologised profusely. 7 years on things were great, except on Monday morning my partner was on my phone and saw me talking to a male colleague by WhatsApp. The messages were about work and meeting up in a group - and all messages from 2024. None of the messages flirtatious or inappropriate in any way.
My partner asked me about these messages on Wednesday (after 2 days of things being really great) and I explained completely innocent and not meaning anything. My partner went onto my phone and couldn’t see the messages he had seen so accused me of deleting them. He then took my phone, deleted and reinstalled WhatsApp and the messages came back but without the pictures. He further accused me of deleting messages, hiding things, lying, calling me a slag and essentially told me to get out. He has since blocked me and we’ve not spoken since.
I truly truly love this man so much and am so loyal to him, we were going to buy a house and I’ve moved my whole life to be with him (got a job close to this house etc). I didn’t delete any messages and a close friend has agreed that none of messages were inappropriate.
I can’t see a life without him but I don’t know what to do. Please help.

You've dodged a bullet. He sounds controlling and horrible. He shouldn't ever be on your phone like that.
Block his number

Bin

Agree - bin.
He sounds really insecure about your relationships with other people. From your post it isn't clear whether you did delete the messages that he later reinstalled. If you did, that won't have helped his insecurity, but it still doesn't really excuse his accusations.
Anyway, the relationship would appear to have had all trust broken and frankly I wouldn't be wanting to go back there as his mistrust appears deeply embedded. Time to move on I think.

I didn’t delete the messages. I truly don’t know why they weren’t there when he looked - the messages in my eyes aren’t cause for a concern so I have no reason to have deleted it. And since he’s deleted and reinstalled the pics are missing in messages , which makes me think that there’s a genuine WhatsApp/phone issue which has further aggravated this whole situation.

I’ve never experienced such devastating heartbreak , I don’t know where we stand , our lives are so embroiled in each others and if this is the end then we need to have a conversation about future plans that have already been made.

Seriously in the most gentle way possible you need to bin him. Imagine how you're going to go through life like this everyday!

You won't see this now, but you have really dodged a bullet if the relationship is indeed over

No decent person goes through their partner's phone checking who they have been in contact with. It's controlling and shows a lack of emotional intelligence and insecurity and it doesn't surprise me at all that you were v young when the relationship started. Never tolerate a man (or woman) controlling your communication with others. Massive red flag

He sounds very insecure and emotionally abusive, and would have got worse if you were living together

Don’t try to reconcile: try to get a job back near your friends and family so you have support, and you will eventually meet someone else

I’d be asking myself’Why is he picking a fight now?’ . Cold feet about moving in/wants to see how far he can push you to be in control of the relationship/has met someone else so creating an argument etc etc

Can you please walk me through why you (YOU, not your partner) believed those messages to your friends at 18/19 years old were wrong in any way.
Can you explain to me why you tolerated your partner going through your phone behind your back 7 years ago and are still tolerating this kind of controlling behaviour?
Why is the focus on what messages he did or didn't find in your phone and not the incredible invasion of your privacy and the break of trust?

If these are things you've been considering to be normal in a relationship, you really need to take a moment and think about how low the bar has gotten.

You do need to move on from this man.

Your lives have been closely intertwined for many years ... since you were little more than a child ... so it will feel a huge challenge. But it is the right thing to do. And you can do it.

I know it does not feel like it at this moment but you can do this and it is the right thing to do .... and the only possible thing.

One day you will look back on this with a huge sense of relief that you took the right decision.

Do you have family or friends who can support you through this and help you build the new life that you deserve?