What's best for my child

[ThisGutsyBalonz]

Short relationship and baby conceived. He left and I've not heard from him since. I left his family know my child exists. I deleted Facebook so they couldn't contact me, also didn't get my number etc.

I'm back on Facebook and sent a message with pictures of my son to his sister. She wants to meet, but I don't.

How do I handle this?

You’re the one who sent photos and initiated contact, as everybody said on your last post. Why do that if you didn’t want to have any contact?

It's been about two months since I sent the messages and only just got a response, so I put them in the "they don't want contact basket" which I'm finding hard to switch back on.

I'm also nearly 2 years post partnum, things change.

If you don’t want contact, don’t make contact.

I don't know what is best for my child?

Imo blood is thicker than water... Therefore I would doubt their motives are genuine..
Maybe he is now curious and has sent a relative to do his 'dirty work'.. No good will come from contacting her...
I hope you have claimed cms. He doesn't need to be on the birth certificate to claim.

That depends. What are the family like? What is his dad like? Presumably zero contact means no maintenance either, he’s washed his hands of his child so he sounds like a waste of space.

are they a decent family who will include your son as one of them? Offer emotional support to you and him, financial support if needed? Are they kind, caring, and nothing like your son’s father? If so, pursue a slow and gentle relationship and see how it goes.

if they’re the village scrotes, falling out with eachother every other week and sleeping with eachothers partners, run for the hills.

cMS closed as I don't have his NI number. Works as a contractor and despite giving all the info they won't progress

Yes he's a waste of space.

His sister has been welcoming but i guess my. Hold isn't their concern

Was he abusive in any way?

Tbh...if he's not bothered his ass then I wouldn't get in touch again. It is a shame the sister has to be deprived of her nephew though.

You say it took two months for her to reply. Is it possible your message went to spam and she's only just seen it?

Maybe it might be nice to meet her for coffee. Just don't give her any info like where you live.

Whatever you think is best though.
He really should be paying child support.

Yeah it went to spam. I've just mentally checked out to be better honest.

I don't even know what to say to her if I did meet her.

No he wasn't abusive.

Option 1. Don't contact or meet. Your dc continues to grow up not knowing half of their family.

Option 2. Contact / meet. You find out more about the family. Your DC maybe gets the chance to know them.

Go slowly, carefully. What's the worst that could happen with each step?

Maybe you could ask for time, without burning your bridges.

Something like 'thankyou for getting back to me but I've been thinking and I feel quite unsteady about changing my current dynamics with my little one. Let me sit on the offer though, it is appreciated'.

I don't think he will know his other half of his sperm donor. (Family don't act like this).

My son has got step siblings which complicates matters

Step siblings or half siblings?

I used 'family' in wider sense. He may not get to know his birth dad but may get to know Aunt, cousins etc?

As you initiated contact i don’t see how you can not at least talk on the phone, though id opt for a coffee somewhere neutral if i were you. They may be very nice and circumstances change, extra loving adults in a child’s life isn’t a bad thing. If an initial meeting isn’t going well then don’t repeat but you won’t be living with any doubt that your child has missed out. Your child will ask about family

Sorry yes half siblings!

Yes maybe I'll suggest a park visit.

Ok I've made contact. Thanks all