Really sad that my marriage seems to have gone predictably dull and passionless

[FutureScooter]

(Am regular btw but know people from MN and don't want to be identified.)

Having a hard time with my dh right now. Nothing bad has happened. We haven't rowed very much. For the past couple of months he's been getting progressively quieter and quieter - now we're down to one-word answers quite often, or the Dreaded no reply, not even a grunt.

I don't seem to be able to interest him. If I try to start a conversation, he doesn't run with it, he seems not to really notice.

The other night I was (this sounds so stupid) watching Waking the Dead and it really upset me, to the point where I had to leave the room and I couldn't even make it to another room before I broke down sobbing. I didn't do it for attention, but as I calmed down, I realized that he was sitting ten feet away through a glass door, and instead of seeing if his wife was all right, he'd opened his laptop and started working.

He's never been all that emotional. This seems odd though and quite desperately hurts. I don't know where to go from here, what to do. Don't want to keep on at him but also a loveless marriage isn't a nice place to be.

He feels attacked by you saying you are worried about him?
Did you ask why?
It is not aggressive to say to someone that you are worried about them is it?

My dh became very distant once (when dd was about 6 months) and I was convinced he was having an affair. When I eventually had it out with him it turned out he had taken up smoking after the stressful near-death birth experience and didn't want me to know. So of course when he was at home he was grumpy due to craving a cigarette and being all distant because he didn't want me near him because he thought I would smell the smoke

men eh!

(am just trying to demonstrate that they can be distant for a number of reasons)

I can understand him saying he feels attacked when you ask how he is.

Well, I can't understand it, but I know my DP would be exactly the same. I just put it down to how (some) men are. We prefer to vocalise our concerns and feelings (look at us on mumsnet!), loads of men find that really hard and even threatened by the suggestion of it, I think.

I don't really have any solutions for you though, sorry. Hope you had a nice night

A letter can work better if you're having trouble being heard. He can ponder it in his own time.

Initiating sex, hard as it may be to do, can also be an extraordinarily powerful way to make a man feel closer to you, loved, accepted and therefore more likely to open up to you.

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time and hope that you can work something out.

Just a suggestion, but could you try arranging something fun for the two of you (dinner etc might feel strained) - something that you used to do together (preferably childish) so that you get an opportunity to laugh together again?