My ex-situationship left me very confused. Is this common behavior online ?

[Bluetterfly]

A few months ago, I broke up with my situationship. We became friends in 2024, and after two months, we started flirting. He texted me every day, all day. I fell in love because he was sweet and seemed very nice. I had planned to meet him this year, since we'd been talking for a year, but I wasn't sure because he's younger than me. He's from Scotland and is 22, and I'm from Argentina and 29. At first, the age difference scared me, but he emphasized that he wasn't a teenager and that I looked very young.

Everything was going well, but reels of fitness women started appearing on my feed, where he liked them. I started looking at the profiles and realized he had a lot of profiles of beautiful women. I can say that almost all the profiles I followed were of women. It wasn't just fitness reels, focusing on their butts, breasts, but also bikini and lingerie photos.

I started to feel anxious; I no longer felt confident about being the only woman in his life. At first, I thought it was common for someone his age. Then I talked to other men his age, and they told me it wasn't common. Then I thought, maybe it's a cultural difference? Maybe in Scotland or UK, there's more sexual liberation. Maybe I'm wrong?

I'm used to men not being so open to following so many women, much less giving them so much attention on Instagram or Facebook. We tend to do it only if we're interested in dating that person. If a man pays a lot of attention to a lot of women, here called "pajeros" (men who look at a lot of women online).
I remember texting him and asking him why he followed so many women, and he said, "You're a weird stalker." "They're all my friends, what's wrong with you?" "Can't I have female friends? I didn't have friends in my childhood. Can't I have friends now?"
(Just a quick fact: before, he told me he's very shy and never goes out with friends. He's only had two friends for four years, and he only works and goes to the gym. That's why I was really confused when he told me they were all his friends.)

I'd like some advice from women in the UK, and it would be great if it's from women ages 18 to 25. I'd like to hear your perspective. Is it really a cultural difference? An age difference? I'm really confused. I just want some closure on this confusion about him.

You made the right decision.

Edited to say I’m not in your preferred age bracket for responses though! I’m middle aged.

Sadly I think he has you as one of a lot of women he's talking to on the internet. He's not worth it.

The fact you haven't met there's no way you can fall in love over texts and that not meeting and liking other people is the exact same thing as what happened you...Anyhow you couldn't have talked to many 20+ yr olds male or female as that's what we do follow people or like posts lol

I've spoken anonymously to other men that age, asking for advice, and I've also spoken to some friends who are that age. I've talked about the topic with at least 23 people, and they all agree he was a player. But I've also seen other men online calling women who complain about women on Instagram crazy, toxic, or insecure. Maybe I'm wrong?

Anyway, I fell in love with him because we talked every day, just like long-distance boyfriends talk to each other. Long-distance love exists, but it's difficult. We both cared for each other, worried about each other, and showed each other a lot of affection. Even though we couldn't touch each other, our feelings existed.

And... following and liking so many women here in Argentina isn't normal. As I mentioned before, here they're seen as virtual womanizers. Maybe some women accept it, but we see it as a lack of control over your libido. Besides, Instagram is public! All your contacts can see what you like! And I understand that young people use Instagram a lot, but is it necessary to be so lustful? I don't think it's good to minimize Instagram activity; it's your online activity! Your digital footprint! I have a lot of male friends, and they are so moderate about what they do on Instagram.

That makes me sad, because I really liked him and only spoke to him. I'm a very loyal and honest person, and when I like someone, I can't look anywhere else, but I guess I was unlucky to meet a man like that.

It would also be difficult as you live thousands of miles apart. Do you imagine moving to the UK or him moving to Argentina? Both of those things are really difficult.

Maybe look for someone closer to home.

'Pajero' in its colloquial sense is 'wanker' in English. In the same way, it does mean a man who masturbates too much but, more usually, it's a useless sort of guy, a loser, a jerk.

While I don't think it's reasonable to believe you're in an exclusive relationship with a person you haven't met, you are right that it's creepy to follow dozens of soft-porn 'fitness' accounts. Men who do this are obviously using them as masturbation aids. They're free to do it, of course, but it doesn't speak well of they guy's social skills if he spends hours every day looking at videos of women's backsides and claims they're his friends!

It's nice that you had a happy year online with your fantasy Scot, but he turned out to be a pajero as you say.

Oh, that's a good point. I was going to study in the UK. It was an option, and I was considering it thanks to him, but now I just want to heal. Before him, I wasn't thinking about love; I was focused on my career.

I've also seen other men online calling women who complain about women on Instagram crazy, toxic, or insecure. - Yeah, because they don't like being called out as wankers 😂

OP, don't worry so uch about what other people think and what is acceptable in different parts of the world. Think about what YOU want.

Do you want a man who behaves like this?

You actually don't know him at all, you only know his online persona. Not seeing him on a day-to-day basis makes it easy to construct a fantasy boyfriend out of bits of him and a whole lot of your own hopes and dreams. And even with all that advantage to him, you have still found something that concerns you to the extent you are posting on MN.

He's not the one for you, OP.

he emphasized that he wasn't a teenager and that I looked very young.

He's 22. Why would you take his lead on anything? He's a horny boy having fun with a world of women he's never met. You're 29 and in a completely different place, mentally and physically. You fell in love/infatuation with a fantasy. Forget about him. If you really have talked about the topic with at least 23 people, and they all agree he was a player. then you shouldn't need any more validation. How many people do you need to agree it in order to get 'closure on confusion'?