Finances during maternity leave if one person has higher savings

[Chia68]

Interested in hearing thoughts…

If my savings are about 3x higher than DH’s savings, would you say I should use these savings to subsidise my maternity leave, or should DH share his income? I did suggest that both of us work part time until DS starts nursery but DH won’t give up any hours so childcare falls on me at the moment and I can only work very little and need to use my savings to contribute to our household income because we have separate finances and share bills 50/50.

It amazes me how people can share a child but not share money.

Why do you think it acceptable for him to financially abuse you in this way but making you lose your income and not giving you access to his? Has he always been financially abusive?

Do not take this shit from him. He gives you full access to his income. And under no circumstances give up your job or reduce your earnings capacity in any way.

I would also hold on to every single penny of your savings as this man doesn’t intend to look after you.

Why would you have a child with someone who won’t share their income with you. Surely all money is family money?

If you’re close enough to create a child, surely you should be close enough to share finances. 🤷‍♀️

Also ask Him how he will doing his HALF of childcare once you’re back at work? And under no circumstances let him argue nursery comes out of your wages.

Can't see how ths is financial abuse when OP has more savings. She wants his income but keeping her savings. It's either share or don't share.

He comes from a poor background and had worked very hard all his life to create a career that enables him to just be ok. I think this makes him quite guarded about his money. I accepted that in general, also because I’m from a wealthy background and had it much easier than him all my life. TBH if he walked out tomorrow, me and the baby would still be alright financially. I’m not stuck or struggling due to his behaviour but wonder what’s morally right when sharing a child.

Adjusting the percentage inputted in line with your incomes is fine. Putting everything into a joint pot and then splitting the unused income equally is fine. Fully merged finances is fine.

Making maternity leave and childcare a 'you' problem is not fine.

yes, can’t understand this.

Are you living together as a couple or just two people living together? If you’re a couple having a baby why isn’t everything joint - how are you going to bring up and finance a baby?

If you have separate finances, you have separate finances. If you want to benefit from his income, then you need to have combined finances and then he’d benefit from your savings. Also, can you live off his salary?

What will the situation be like when you’re no longer on maternity leave? Because if he still refuses to have anything to do with childcare for your shared child, that’s a huge issue.

Why would you be sharing bills etc 50/50 when your income is reduced because you are caring for your shared child? So you're expected to provide childcare plus 50% of bills? Crazy.

This.

how does “childcare fall on you”?

it’s half his child, he pays half the childcare.

iirc dh paid all the bills while I was on mat leave. I used my mat pay for incidentals like coffees, buses, bit of shopping, kids clothes etc. we also have separate finances.

when you go back to work he pays half the nursery bill. Do not fall into the “childcare doesn’t cover my wages” trap.

Might be a very old fashioned view...but once we were married everything went into one pot.

This. He needs to up his game

You're married. You literally agreed to share everything you have with each other. You need to pool your finances.

She said this:

I did suggest that both of us work part time until DS starts nursery but DH won’t give up any hours so childcare falls on me at the moment and I can only work very little

He won't enable her to work

My xh was a twat in many ways, but even before we were married all the money that came into the house was both of ours. When I wasn't working his wage paid for us, through 2 maternities. Big purchases would be discussed but we spent what we needed to to pay bills and have a life.

Why do people not iron this out before bringing kids into the mix? Crazy!

This. Dont people who are married, and having a baby put everything in one pot anymore? You are having his fucking child FFS, he’s not a single bloke any more. Why was this not discussed and sorted before you got pregnant? Bonkers.

Are you not planning on sharing your savings with your DH? When do you return to work and are your salaries similar?

Go back to work and pay for childcare 50:50.

Lunacy you had a child with no discussion on this...

he won’t give up any hours so childcare falls on me at the moment and I can only work very little and need to use my savings to contribute to our household income because we have separate finances and share bills 50/50.

While on mat leave you contribute what you can he makes up the difference.

Your child then goes into FT care and he pays 1k and you pay the other (its about 2k)

DO NOT become one of those women that post on here "we pay 50/50 except i pay for kids clothes, childcare, days out, share of holiday, and anything else they need"

This is the ststt of financial abuse, and it is a hill to die on.
Once you have a child things just aren't 50/50... he has it easier.
But if he wants it that way and you chose to stay.... Make damn fucking sure it is actually 50/50 on financing and childcare since he is so hot on equality. and make sure he pays every penny he is supposed to and yu get as much free time as him.

I offered to share everything but he prefers to keep finances separate. Sometimes I think since I was happy to share my savings with him, I should just use them to pay for childcare instead. I just somehow start to think that it’s a bit unfair how he goes on with his life like before and I’m left to work out how I can look after our baby and work. But I’m not sure if it’s a hill to die on, considering that I’d have the money in my account that could pay for all our childcare (or for me not working ).
My salary is higher. I already work a bit on evenings and weekends (I’m self employed) but want to do 4 days per week from September.

How do you plan to pay childcare costs for nursery?

But this isn't about money, it's about him thinking the baby is all your issue.

Do you have enough money that none of this will impact you? If you do, do you care than he is not a partner to you?

If you're happy with his attitude and no money worries then you're fine.

I think his behaviour says a lot about how he views your importance and values your happiness.