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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend leading a double life

7 replies

Silentwhisper93 · 19/06/2025 12:33

Hi all. I’m not sure if I’m seeking emotional support or just a way to vent but I’ve just found out my boyfriend of been 2 years has been seeing another woman for about a year after she messaged my mother to me! He’d been on my phone to change my privacy settings so she couldn’t contact me. He’s bonded with my daughter but has also bonded with hers. Whilst he told me he was working away he’s been with her and her kids for a week. She told me she has niggling feelings but he always spun her some form of lies as to why we went to a wedding together or why he was at my house living with me. She finally stumbled across a photo of me, him and my family on holiday and that’s when she’s had to message my mum. She’s sent messages and pictures of proof. I’m completely overwhelmed. He’s packed his stuff and left but I just feel like my world has crumbled in one morning. I was so so happy and now I’m broken. I have no idea how to tell my little one as she adores him. He knew I had been in an abusive relationship with cheating and he still did this. He told me it got out of hand and wanted it to end with her but he was scared she was going to tell me. I’m so angry and upset. I certainly won’t be taking him back but I just don’t know how to pick myself up from this? Sorry for the woe is me post x

OP posts:
FreyaFromTheFens · 19/06/2025 14:44

What a horrible way to find out, you must be reeling!
Has he gone to hers do you know? Did he talk to you about it or apologise?
Be ready for him to try to worm his way back if it doesn't work out although it sounds as though she might still want him.

Do you feel up to talking with her to find out more or would that upet you more? I'd have to know I think if it were me.
Look after yourself, your daughter will be fine.

Silentwhisper93 · 19/06/2025 14:51

@FreyaFromTheFens i have spoken to her and she just sounds like a heartbroken woman who’s kids have been hurt as well :( I’m more angry at kids being involved. I have seen some screenshots but it was all overwhelming and I couldn’t do it anymore x

OP posts:
myfriendsfamily · 19/06/2025 15:00

So sorry to read this, OP. Flowers
Hand holding and please feel safe to vent as much as you need.

GarlicMile · 19/06/2025 15:02

Oh, I'm so sorry - for both of you, but this is your thread. What an utter cunt! It's awful to find out your life has been based on a false belief. At first, it may feel like you can't be sure of anything any more ... you have your DD, your Mum and hopefully some friends, so let them be your steady ground while waiting for your mind to process it.

In a while, talking to his other victim might help you make sense of some things. You don't have to, though, and certainly not while you're in shock. Be gentle on yourself Flowers

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/06/2025 15:04

Don't you mean EX. Hopefully the other woman has kicked him out too.

MauriceTheMussel · 19/06/2025 15:05

This is more common than you’d think.

I dated someone for 6/7 months that had a double life. It was insane. You’re not stupid - there are people out there that get their kicks this way and are very skilled at lying and deception.

Silentwhisper93 · 19/06/2025 15:14

He is definitely my ex! Absolute waste of space, my lovely friend is coming to stay tonight to watch trash tv!

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