TW. ExH telling kids I made him suicidal

[allmyfaultagain]

Is this part of the script? He had an affair and rewrote a lot of history. Kids are approaching adulthood and he’s told them lately I drove him to attempt suicide. It’s a lie. He was also so depressed his dick fell into another woman. He was abusive throughout our relationship and he’s losing control of
me now they are almost adults. Of course he says I was the abusive one. Is this just part of the narcissistic shit they come out with? It’s 12 years since we split and he’s still doing what he can to get to me. I don’t have any direct contact with him, not even emails.

Your children are adults. What you say depends on what their relationship is with him.

You can say, dryly, “Recollection may differ”

or

”You know what Dad’s like. He likes to exaggerate for effect.”

or “What the fuck? I don’t know about that. You should ask his mistress.”

He’s actually made up a whole scenario of what happened (in his imagination) and told them I saw him do it and told him to get on with it. What actually happened is that he packed his bags and walked out and I was consoling our two dc.

Then you tell them that.

They always believe him. Never me.

Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with my feelings on this? Is it just what they do and I try to roll my eyes and forget it as just another tactic?

Tell the kids that you find his lies upsetting, and ask them to only share them with you if they need your support?
Personally I'd be tempted to go and have a firm word with him, in person.

We don’t speak or go anywhere near each other due to his abuse. I had a restraining order at one point when they were little. I will tell them not to say anything. The eldest lives with him because he lets her do anything. My younger one lives with me and her older sister tells her stuff or puts her in the middle. They were both there when he got drunk and told the room.

Just keep shrugging it off. Honestly who cares? Even the children don’t really care. Your oldest is already living with him because she prefers lies to truth. Nothing you say will change that. so just don’t get involved. Just be very bored. “I was not in charge of dad’s mental health. If he had issues he needed to go to a gp and sort them. I was busy parenting you lot.”

Not this scenario exactly but I liked the advice I saw elsewhere about responding to the crazy lies with "hmm, does that sound like something I'd do?" Which should gradually build their ability to reason and judge for themselves without you needing to say it directly? May not work here though, sounds horrendous, I'm sorry. They'll realize one day, but it's just painful for you until then 😥

They make up all kinds of shit to justify their disgusting behavior. It’s nuts, right. They make up all kinds of crap so they don’t look bad and that you’re the ogre in the relationship. My kids were old enough for the truth and I told them.

They’ll figure it out.

OP that is very manipulative to say to your "almost adult kids.

He knows this information will be rallied back to you one way or another, all a tactic to get under your skin. He clearly has some deep rooted resentment towards you, perhaps due to you leaving him after learning of his affair?

This is to justify to himself his sordid behavior, and as its too painful to look himself in the face he will need to rewrite history, tell a lie, say somehting that will shock, anything to keep face and to make you the culprit.

Dont give him any more control by owning this, dont feed it either. He will hate that you are living your life unscathed and free of him. SO do exactly that. Whatever he does now is not on you unless you allow it.

It’s never too early to tell the truth especially if you have a person trying to manipulate the situation. You have make every one aware of truth. Don’t let the lies sit there and gain speed. You need to be good to yourself. He’s not and you need to be there for your kids. Get as much support as you can. It honestly gets better. It takes time but it does