How to inject more romance into long term relationship?

[Cos100]

So those of you who are in long term relationships (DP and I are going 8 years), how do you still make an effort to be romantic etc? I sometimes find myself really missing those early days. The rush and excitement, how attentive we were, couldn't keep our hands of each other sort of thing. Obviously I know that isn't sustainable long term. We have a toddler, too, which definitely changes things that's for sure! I guess I just miss having more romance in my life but I know it has to come from both sides. For the record, still madly in love with him. Still very attracted to him. We still make an effort to kiss and cuddle everyday (although some days this is cut very short!). What do you do?

Start a gratitude journal and see how lucky you really are

That's a good idea. I'm generally a glass half empty kind of person and I know I need to start looking at the positives a bit more

It sounds like you are doing well already, staying strong and close through the massive disruption of a young child. So kudos for that.

that’s not to say you don’t want to get the romance back, but best to approach this from a positive feel of ‘we are doing great - and let’s get creative to add another level of enjoyment’ versus ‘we’re failing that perfect (unreal) ideal and need to push to do better.
Not saying you are approaching it like that, just a thought how to frame it! So yes, if you tend to be glass half empty, then take the time to appreciate just how well you are doing. Voice that to your DH… appreciate each other to start with.

So, what else to do? My instinct is to start small. And this may mean shifting our perception of romance/ excitement. For now, with a toddler, it doesn’t need to be meeting him at the door in stilettos, dressed in Ann Summers- or going on a 5 hr incredible romantic date to an expensive restaurant etc….if you have the energy fantastic, but these things can feel super high stakes when you have a young child - both the cost, and one’s self esteem is so wrapped up in whether these big gesture events work… we set ourself such a high standard that’s it’s hard for it to feel authentic and successful. but ask yourself what it is that gives you that nourishing, excited feeling? This may be about love languages and true connection. Eg holding each others hands when the little one is down, looking into each others eyes and really looking, noticing, loving…. Then appreciating something they did that day….. it may also be playing with each others minds - enjoying hot memories together, and talking making dream lists. Or little gestures. Bring a home mixed cocktail to bed, rather than a Horlicks one night…or setting an hour when you don’t talk about your child- refocus on yourselves as adults rather than parents (co-parent relationship isn't very sexy!). I have no clue and I’m getting very rambling, but maybe these wrong ideas will spark your own right ones.

good luck!