Help - opinions needed - DH and I having a blip

[Jojay]

Things got to me last night when I went to speak to DH while he was on the computer, and saw that in an email to a mate of his, he'd described me as a 'lazy cow'.

To put it into context, he was emailing a friend who's recently moved overseas and he was filling him in on our news - I'm 17 wks pregnant. The full sentence was something like
'Jojay has been sleeping and lounging around a lot, reckons she's making a baby, lazy cow'.

He knew I saw it, and I asked him to delete it. Unfortunately DS (18 months) woke at that moment - he's been wheezing badly and we had to give him his puffer and sort him out, so we didn't get a chance to finish our 'discussion'.

He said he was only joking, but I fail to see the funny side. The night before, I was watering the garden with the hose, and he told me I was 'stupid' for not using water from the water butt. Once again, claimed he was 'only joking', but I find these comments really hurtful.

As for the 'lazy' comment, that's the one I resent the most. As I've said we have an 18 month old DS, with another on the way. I work 4 days a week, he works 5. I'm currently covering my old full time job, as well as doing my new part time job, so work is very busy. I have a new boss that we're all trying to get used to, I had to sack someone on Tuesday and hand them over to the police which I found pretty stressful.

I do more than my share of the housework, although to be fair he does his bit too, and he's fab with DS.

But I don't tihnk I'm lazy!!

Am I being hormonal and over sensitive? Should I just be able to laugh it off? Or would you find this rude?

Being called a lazy cow to your face is bad enough, but for your DH to use that sort of terminology about you to his friends is disgraceful and disrespectful to you...

I would so have it out with him...in a really non aggressive way of course...

It's rude. He should be supporting you, not putting you down even as a joke. He should know this.

I think only you can trully know in what context this was put. I can hear my DH say it (and me back to him) but know 100% that it is said in jest (that doesn't mean I wouldn't be upset about it though if I was feeling touchy) What I'm trying to say is, if he's normally agressive or abusive with his language towards you then yes, it's rude. If he is normally light hearted and jokey then yes, you're probably a bit touchy.

He wouldn't normally say things like that at all, in jest or seriously.

Thanks for your responses so far.

Hi Jojay,

My OH used to make little "jokes" likes this too. After a while i had to bring myself to just tell him to keep them to himself as i interpreted them to be little digs...and if they were jokes then they were at my expense and i didn't appreciate it.

It took a few fallings out i'm glad to say it has stopped as he realised that they did nothing for us except cause aguments.

I agree with the others, it is rude and uncalled for and you definately need to address it otherwise theres a chance these "jokes" might get worse.

Goodluck

In the context you've put it it sounds fine to me - if I got an email from a friend saying that I would not interpret that he thought his wife was lazy, rather that she was justifiably tired.

But then dh and I trash talk to each other all the time, we know it's a joke. Sounds like you are not like that at all, so maybe he should tone it down.

i think youre being very oversensitive! It was SO obviously tongue-in-cheek. He could have done with putting one of these at the end, but am sure this is how he meant it....

ib, that's the point I was trying to make. To me it'd be nothing because we're pretty flippant with comments like that in our house. it's never meant with malice. Some of the things I've called my DH

In that context... it sounds like he was joking, and you can't really police what your partner says in their emails to a friend. I'm sure he's twigged that you didn't find it funny though. I don't think it's worth causing WW3 over unless he's a serial offender or you think he meant it seriously.

I'm just concerned about the
'Many a true word is spoken in jest' thing.

If he really thinks that, then we're in more trouble than I thought...

I would never dream of speaking like that to his face or to anyone else, and up until a few weeks ago, I don't think he would have done either.

I'm going to talk to him tonight - oversensitive or not, I just don't need to hear this c**p right now.

well maybe try not to be too accusing. ime men just get very defensive and it could end in a huge row. Just explain youre feeling extra sensitive and need him to be more understanding. good luck anyway.

Now I've cooled down a bit i feel much less touchy, and it doesn't seem like the end of the world.

I'll see how it goes.