If you choose to not have much of a life outside your immediate family, especially if you made it a conscious decision, could you share why?
My mum is in her 60s and has a daughter (me) and a son, both in our 30s. She's still married to our dad.
My dad is still working full-time, planning to retire in 5 years. My mum stopped working since 2008.
Before Covid, she used to go to church maybe once per week. After church gathering dissolved during Covid, she stopped having any social life whatsoever. She's expressed she's glad the gathering stopped.
Her only contacts, as far as I know, are my dad, my brother, her sister, her MIL, and pretty much no one else. I do not know of any female friends she has.
She stays at home all day, does some housework, makes dinner for dad, that's it. She even mentioned that the only thing she does outside of the house is grocery shopping so she's considering cancelling her mobile plan. She travels abroad with dad at least once per year. If my brother plans to travel, she is always open to tag along.
I don't think I am in the place to criticise her life choices unless it affects me--and it does. I call her twice per month, and due to physical distance (she lives in North America), we meet up once per year.
Whenever we gather as a family, I notice immediately how enmeshed my brother and my dad are with her. She talks incessantly, commenting on every single thing they do. She prohibits my dad from a low carb diet, she instructs my brother when to do laundry, how to use an ankle sprain bandage, etc. She would use her fork to point to food, gesturing me to try some. She would push her half-finished plate of food to my brother, "finish this for me." She also commented on "not knowing what I like to eat" as if she's entitled to this knowledge? Also, when my dad asked me or my brother a question, she would jump in and answer for us, based on her knowledge of the situation. When I spend time with her, I feel... like an accessory. I just try to live up to whatever "daughter" image she has of me. She constantly takes photos of me without my consent, and when I get upset, she gets offended and upset. I really feel like an infant, an image for her to share with relatives.
Don't get me wrong, by "objective" standards, she's a good mother, erring on the overprotective side. But the downside of this is I find a lot of her actions towards the three of us quite infantilising. I actually have to avoid calling her when it's after 9pm UK time, because she cannot help but to comment "it's getting dark, why are you not sleeping?"
I think limiting her social interactions to her immediate family has caused her increased need to control us and to feel that she's in control. I understand everyone has a different personality, and some may just be introvert. But while my mum may be an introvert, how she behaves around us, I think, indicates an "overflowing" energy that would have not been there had she spent time outside the family.
It is affecting me not just during the limited hours I do spend with her, but also because it's really turned "motherhood" off for me.
I fear I'll end up like her, catering only to the immediate family even when the kids are in their 40s, and 50s, and treating them like kids. She has a professional degree, and if she chose to keep working, she would have been a top 10-20% earner. In a way this makes it all the more sadder, because she's using her energy in, in my opinion, a wrong way that affects me directly.
Anyway, just curious, if you have 0 social life outside of your immediate family, why have you kept it this way?