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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break up from narcissistic partner and I’m devastated- what is wrong with me?!

50 replies

Terriblysad123 · 17/06/2025 10:41

Short story long (I’ve posted previously about being in a bad relationship but can’t find my thread so bear with me). One year on and off with my ex. He, I thought was my happy ever after but he turned out to be abusive, coercive and manipulative. It’s taken me a while to see that and I thought he would change and/or that I could fix him.

He moved out but lives in my home town and I can’t help but see him all the bloody time as it’s such a small town.

I had to contact the police at the weekend due to him sending me the most horrendous messages (he said he wished I was dead, called me a fat c**t, I’ve betrayed him, I’m the narcissist etc and when I said he needs to stop or I’ll go to the police he said go ahead, let’s see who wins).

he came to get some belongings at the weekend and ended up running off with my phone, keys and purse because I was filming him as he was behaving inappropriately. He’d thrown them out of his car window so I managed to find them 24 hours later but he left me with no keys and I was stranded and had no way of calling anybody. He’s previously locked me out of my own home overnight and I stupidly went back to him.

I’m now devastated and can’t stop crying and feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’m romanticising about him and the good times and petrified I’ll never be happy again and that I’m going to have to live with him in my town and see him move on.

what if I’ve made a mistake?! What if he just needs help and I’ve deserted him.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 19/06/2025 10:39

Just say ‘you must be so glad we broke up so, goodbye and good luck’ and never have any contact with him again.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/06/2025 10:39

Block him. You are letting him get inside your head and people like this are VERY good at manipulating. Besides, he knows all the buttons to press to FORCE you to feel sorry for him.

Maybe try really hard and go back and find your other thread? Reading about what you went through should be enough to harden your heart.

Terriblysad123 · 19/06/2025 11:35

Thanks everyone. It’s so hard. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I have a very strong physical chemistry with him and I’m attracted to him a lot but I know that’s no reason to accept poor behaviour but it’s like I’m addicted.

My parents split when I was 11 and didn’t have a good divorce. My dad then passed away when I was 20 (I’m not 39). I guess you could say I felt abandoned during that period and during the time when both my parents started to date other people. I struggled with sleep and feelings of home sickness a lot. I was often sent home from sleepovers because I couldn’t cope being away from home.

OP posts:
Strawberrypjs · 19/06/2025 11:43

Terriblysad123 · 19/06/2025 11:35

Thanks everyone. It’s so hard. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I have a very strong physical chemistry with him and I’m attracted to him a lot but I know that’s no reason to accept poor behaviour but it’s like I’m addicted.

My parents split when I was 11 and didn’t have a good divorce. My dad then passed away when I was 20 (I’m not 39). I guess you could say I felt abandoned during that period and during the time when both my parents started to date other people. I struggled with sleep and feelings of home sickness a lot. I was often sent home from sleepovers because I couldn’t cope being away from home.

Look up trauma bond. It’s not a connection from positive feelings of mutual love and connection it is a form of unhealthy attachment. Sort this via therapy before entering anymore relationships to save yourself from more trauma and more unhealthy love .

pikkumyy77 · 19/06/2025 12:01

3luckystars · 19/06/2025 10:39

Just say ‘you must be so glad we broke up so, goodbye and good luck’ and never have any contact with him again.

I think this is correct, actually. Just agree with him. Isn’t it absurd that he describes you in vile terms and also pretends that he can’t live without you?

Its.All.Lies.

MageQueen · 19/06/2025 13:41

Aaah, the classic bait and swith style tactic.

But you know what? Even if 90% of what you think/believe about him is wrong (it's not), here are the facts that you have 100% personally experienced:

  1. He has sent you vile, abusive, aggressive messages to the point you felt unsafe
  2. He stole your phone, your keys and your purse and threw them out of his car on the side of the road and you could not find them.
  3. He once locked you out of your own home overnight.

Even just ONE of the above is an excellent reason to never see or speak to this man again. And NOTHING that might be going on in his life (depression, upset, hurt, truama) excuse any of these behaviours.

MageQueen · 19/06/2025 13:43

As a quick side bar to this, part of exBIL's tactics were to tell other people, including us, things about SIL that were untrue and/or that were designed to make us view her negatively and take his side. And I won't lie, sometimes his comments and lies were compelling and it was so easy to fall into the trap....

.... but we did what I'm recommending you do above. We kept the things we had personally seen and experienced front and center at all times to remind ourselves that even if every single thing he said about SIL was true (it wasn't), his behaviour still meant that he was a man we didn't want to spend time with or want to have around our children.

ClickClickety · 19/06/2025 15:33

Talk to your friends about what's happened and definitely block him.

As for regaining headspace, go to the cinema to watch a noisy blockbuster and switch your phone off. When you are feeling lonely in the evenings put your phone in another room and start an addictive TV show (Battlestar Gallactaca is like heroin I hear).

Terriblysad123 · 20/06/2025 19:58

MageQueen · 19/06/2025 13:41

Aaah, the classic bait and swith style tactic.

But you know what? Even if 90% of what you think/believe about him is wrong (it's not), here are the facts that you have 100% personally experienced:

  1. He has sent you vile, abusive, aggressive messages to the point you felt unsafe
  2. He stole your phone, your keys and your purse and threw them out of his car on the side of the road and you could not find them.
  3. He once locked you out of your own home overnight.

Even just ONE of the above is an excellent reason to never see or speak to this man again. And NOTHING that might be going on in his life (depression, upset, hurt, truama) excuse any of these behaviours.

Thank you, you are right and I am trying to remind myself of this each time I have a moment of doubt.

He's asking me to give him another chance as I've not tried in the past 4 months (his words). Something has been said about him that he says is untrue (I do also believe it is untrue) but he has said I haven't stuck up for him and that I am standing by all the people that are lying about him. I have tried to explain to him that rumours aside, he should not have done any of the the things he has said/done to me regardless of what may or may not have been said.

He is begging me to get back with him and says that I am his life and his reason for moving away from home and that he has no friends or family here and is alone.

It's just a pretty horrible feeling as I've never been the person to walk away from someone. This whole situation is very uncomfortable for me and I feel incredibly lonely.

It's Friday night and I'm sat home alone with nobody to talk too.

OP posts:
GreySkyAtNight · 20/06/2025 20:10

Op you haven't made a mistake but can you please just realise the ludicrousness?

I had a partner who was not good for me, took me years on MN to work it out.

One day sometime after we broke up, I'm not sure what the trigger was, but I remember finding myself laughing hysterically, because I could logically see how absolutely wrong it was for me.

But your feelings live in a different less logical part of the brain.

I would move on.

MissAndrey · 20/06/2025 20:20

Hey. A few years ago I left my abusive exh who was likely a narcissist. Excuse me for sounding dramatic and frankly cringe, but it hurt so much I thought I was going to die. But I didn't. Quite quickly I found a small part of myself he hadn't squished and began rediscovering myself. The life I live today would've been unimaginable to the scared silent shell of a girl I was with him. You can do this too!

The abuse and trauma bonding has primed you to feel like you're nothing without him. As a normal empathetic person it's almost impossible to get your head around the fact that some humans are actually malevolent, loveless, empty shells. It goes against everything we know, right? But don't forget, you can recover from this. You can have a good, healthy life. He's stuck in that shell and he can never get better. First you'll feel hurt, then you'll feel angry, but eventually you'll just feel pity.

Stay strong, your life will be so much better without him.

Terriblysad123 · 20/06/2025 20:33

MissAndrey · 20/06/2025 20:20

Hey. A few years ago I left my abusive exh who was likely a narcissist. Excuse me for sounding dramatic and frankly cringe, but it hurt so much I thought I was going to die. But I didn't. Quite quickly I found a small part of myself he hadn't squished and began rediscovering myself. The life I live today would've been unimaginable to the scared silent shell of a girl I was with him. You can do this too!

The abuse and trauma bonding has primed you to feel like you're nothing without him. As a normal empathetic person it's almost impossible to get your head around the fact that some humans are actually malevolent, loveless, empty shells. It goes against everything we know, right? But don't forget, you can recover from this. You can have a good, healthy life. He's stuck in that shell and he can never get better. First you'll feel hurt, then you'll feel angry, but eventually you'll just feel pity.

Stay strong, your life will be so much better without him.

Thank you so much. I think I'm in that stage of feeling like I cannot exist without me and the thought of him or I being with somebody else is quite frankly, destroying me.

My rational, logical brain tells me this is exactly what I need to do but my lonely, need for validation brain is telling me to give him one more chance. I won't because I think it will actually lose me friendships, potentially my job and longer term, my wellbeing. Even writing that makes it sound completely bonkers.

It's just that horrible feeling of being alone and nearing 40 that makes me fear being alone. Also, the fact that all everyone talks about is how awful dating now is in the modern world. Gaaaaaaaa

OP posts:
Terriblysad123 · 20/06/2025 20:35

GreySkyAtNight · 20/06/2025 20:10

Op you haven't made a mistake but can you please just realise the ludicrousness?

I had a partner who was not good for me, took me years on MN to work it out.

One day sometime after we broke up, I'm not sure what the trigger was, but I remember finding myself laughing hysterically, because I could logically see how absolutely wrong it was for me.

But your feelings live in a different less logical part of the brain.

I would move on.

Even reading it does sound ludicrous. I also can't believe I'm in this position when 12 months ago I was so in love with him and so so happy. Literally the happiest I've ever been.

We have a lot of history as we dated a long time ago (over 10 years ago) but it wasn't the right time as we were both just out of long term relationships so when we reconnected it felt like it was meant to be (how cliche).

OP posts:
myplace · 20/06/2025 20:44

He’s trained you. You are primed to respond to him, because when he’s lovely you get a rush of relief and excitement. When he’s nasty you change yourself to avoid making him nastier. Then he’s nice and you’re so relieved and euphoric.

But that’s all it is. Training. You need to break the habit, that’s all.

You really need some space- block him. Get security cameras. Tell the police he’s still handling you. Tell him you never want to hear from him again.

It will get better- but not yet.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2025 21:04

Hi darling I have been in your shoes and I promise you you haven't made a mistake

He won't get better. You can't fix him with your love they are like pits and you pour into them until you're empty and broken and then they blame you.

Block him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2025 21:04

He would never ever stay with you unless it served him btw

Terriblysad123 · 20/06/2025 22:16

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2025 21:04

Hi darling I have been in your shoes and I promise you you haven't made a mistake

He won't get better. You can't fix him with your love they are like pits and you pour into them until you're empty and broken and then they blame you.

Block him.

Thank you. I hope you have now found some happiness and peace.

I'm finding it very hard because I feel like some people think I'm just stupid because I can't seem to break free or keep going back. I feel foolish and that I am losing my mind. It's a horrid place to be.

I am grateful to everyone that has commented and shared personal experiences. It really does help make me feel like I am not going crazy for having this mixed bag of emotions.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/06/2025 00:19

You're not going crazy, this guy has been abusive and confused you, being incredible and all you ever dreamed of at the start and possibly still 3-4 days a week until
Recently. It's so strange to get your head around.

No one can really understand unless they do a lot of learning about abuse.

There is a lot of helpful stuff on social media if you search for emotional abuse etc (but don't buy any healing courses from cowgirl coaches)

Terriblysad123 · 22/06/2025 00:03

So I blocked him but for some reason I have just turned on my iPad and a flurry of messages have come through on old school text message but I’m not sure how as I’ve blocked his number.

Anyway, he’s sent a load of messages about how I’ve not tried and I’ve let him down.

Then he’s also sent me a photo of him standing with another woman 😔 it’s just a head shot but it’s clearly a date or something like that.

So annoyed those messages and picture came through and now I can’t sleep.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 22/06/2025 00:17

So he's sent you abusive messages, then told you he basically can't live without you, and then gone on a date?
That's just more evidence that he's trying to control you, not love you.
Please go back and read everybody's replies again on this thread. And do not message him back.

Terriblysad123 · 14/04/2026 11:11

I don’t know if anyone is out there but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.

I continued to see this man and it has now all come to a head. He has been physically abusive, I sought a Clare’s Law and have now found out in the last 12-18 months of us being on and off, he’s admitted to sleeping with over 40 women and I’ve found active dating profiles.

I’m ashamed and heartbroken. Why do I continually miss him though when he’s such a terrible person. I feel like there is something wrong with me and I’m at the end of my tether with it all.

He only lives 10 minutes away and I bump into him all the time and it’s only a matter of time before he’ll be out with another woman and I can’t bare the thought of seeing that.

He told me he loved me and wanted me to move in with him and then behind closed doors he’s been going on dates and having many many one night stands. He’s even sent me photos of some of the women and it really hurts me. So much so that I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

I had my 40th last week and he told me he hoped I had the worst birthday ever.

I don’t know how to breathe without him. I know that’s dramatic but in this moment that’s how it feels.

OP posts:
myplace · 14/04/2026 13:39

Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. @Terriblysad123 none of his behaviour is about you, it’s just him. He’s a prize winning arsehole, frankly. You deserve better.

Forget about him, what he’s up to and what he’s done. Concentrate on you. Contact domestic abuse helplines, Use telephone support groups, see your GP, find some support and counselling to help you rebuild.

The only exception being if he’s done something criminal- get advice from the domestic abuse helplines, then go to the police.

I’m sorry I’m not much use- there are far more knowledgeable and experienced women on here. Hopefully we can bat signal them and get you some better advice!

Terriblysad123 · 19/04/2026 17:46

myplace · 14/04/2026 13:39

Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. @Terriblysad123 none of his behaviour is about you, it’s just him. He’s a prize winning arsehole, frankly. You deserve better.

Forget about him, what he’s up to and what he’s done. Concentrate on you. Contact domestic abuse helplines, Use telephone support groups, see your GP, find some support and counselling to help you rebuild.

The only exception being if he’s done something criminal- get advice from the domestic abuse helplines, then go to the police.

I’m sorry I’m not much use- there are far more knowledgeable and experienced women on here. Hopefully we can bat signal them and get you some better advice!

Thank you so much for your reply. My days are long and I can’t stop crying. He’s broken my heart yet I still pine for him.

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 19/04/2026 17:49

Terriblysad123 · 19/04/2026 17:46

Thank you so much for your reply. My days are long and I can’t stop crying. He’s broken my heart yet I still pine for him.

You pine for what you believed he was. Not for what he is.

As others have said, he’s manipulating you and if you read this thread, you’ll come to accept you’re best off without him.

RedPoet · 19/04/2026 18:03

Trauma bonding

What is trauma bonding?
Trauma bonding is when someone forms a strong emotional attachment to a person who is hurting them.
It usually happens in relationships where there are cycles of kindness and cruelty—not constant abuse, but ups and downs that keep you hooked.
🔄 What it looks like in real life
A trauma bond often follows a repeating cycle:
Love / Intensity
They’re kind, attentive, affectionate. You feel chosen, valued, maybe even “saved.”
Tension / Withdrawal
Things shift—coldness, distance, criticism, confusion.
Hurt / Conflict
Arguments, emotional pain, manipulation, or worse.
Repair / Apology
They come back, apologise, or act loving again… and the cycle restarts.
That relief after pain is what strengthens the bond—your brain starts to associate them with both the hurt and the comfort.
🧠 Why it’s so powerful
Your brain gets hooked on the unpredictable rewards (like a slot machine 🎰)
You start chasing the “good version” of them
It can feel like love, loyalty, or deep connection, even when it’s harmful
You may feel like you can’t leave, even if you know it’s not healthy
💭 Common thoughts mums might recognise
“But they’re not always like that…”
“When it’s good, it’s really good.”
“I just want things to go back to how they were.”
“Maybe if I try harder…”
⚠️ Important distinction
This isn’t about weakness or poor judgment.
It’s a psychological response to repeated emotional stress and relief.
Anyone can get caught in it—especially when you’re:
tired
isolated
trying to keep a family together
or used to putting others first
🌱 Why it matters
Understanding trauma bonding helps you:
recognise unhealthy patterns
stop blaming yourself
make clearer, safer choices for you and your children

What’s happening in the brain?
🎯 1. Dopamine — the “seeking” chemical
Dopamine isn’t just about pleasure—it’s about wanting and chasing.
In abusive relationships, kindness is unpredictable (hot/cold, push/pull).
That unpredictability causes huge dopamine spikes.
👉 Your brain learns:
“Maybe the next moment will be good again…”
This is the same mechanism seen in:
gambling addiction 🎰
social media scrolling
substance addiction
So you’re not just missing them—you’re craving the dopamine cycle they created.
💞 2. Oxytocin — the bonding hormone
Oxytocin is released through:
affection
intimacy
sex
emotional closeness
Even in abusive relationships, those “good moments” flood you with oxytocin, strengthening attachment.
👉 Your brain encodes:
“This person = connection, safety, attachment”
Even when they’re also the source of harm.
⚡ 3. Cortisol & adrenaline — the stress loop
During conflict, fear, or emotional distress:
cortisol (stress hormone) rises
adrenaline activates fight/flight
This creates high emotional intensity.
Now here’s the key:
👉 When the abuser switches back to kindness, your body feels relief
👉 That relief feels powerful—almost like safety or love
So your brain links: Them → stress → relief → attachment
🔁 4. Intermittent reinforcement = addiction wiring
Put it all together:
Dopamine → craving & anticipation
Oxytocin → bonding & attachment
Cortisol → stress & emotional intensity
And because the pattern is inconsistent, your brain gets more hooked, not less.
👉 This is called intermittent reinforcement, and it’s one of the strongest conditioning patterns known in psychology.
💔 Why the “pining” feels so intense
When the relationship ends, your brain goes into something very similar to withdrawal:
dopamine drops → emptiness, longing
oxytocin drops → loss, attachment pain
cortisol may stay high → anxiety, rumination
So you can feel:
obsessed with them
desperate for contact
like you’ve lost something “special”
Even if logically you know it was harmful.
🧩 The key truth
That feeling of:
“I need them”
is often actually:
“My nervous system is dysregulated and craving the chemical cycle I adapted to.”
🌱 Why this matters
Understanding this helps separate:
emotional reality (it feels intense)
from
actual safety/health (it wasn’t safe)
It’s not weakness.
It’s neurobiology doing exactly what it’s designed to do under stress + reward cycles.

Breaking a trauma bond isn’t about “just leaving” — it’s about rewiring a nervous system that’s been trained to attach through stress + relief. That takes a bit of strategy, patience, and self-compassion 💛
Here’s a clear, practical way to approach it:
🔌 1. Cut the reinforcement loop (no contact = fastest reset)
If contact continues (even small check-ins), the brain keeps getting dopamine hits.
That means the bond stays active.
👉 What helps:
Block / mute where possible
Avoid checking their social media
Remove reminders (photos, chats)
This isn’t about punishment—it’s about letting your brain stabilise.
🧠 2. Understand the “withdrawal” phase
What you feel after leaving is often chemical withdrawal, not proof of love.
You might notice:
obsessive thoughts
urges to reach out
emotional swings
idealising the “good times”
👉 When this happens, gently reality-check:
“This is my nervous system recalibrating, not a sign I should go back.”
That one sentence can be grounding when urges spike.
🪞 3. Break the illusion (balance the narrative)
Trauma bonds are strengthened by selective memory.
👉 Try this:
Write a full list of what actually happened (not just the highs)
Include how you felt in the worst moments
Read it when you feel pulled back
This helps your brain stop romanticising the cycle.
🧍‍♀️ 4. Regulate your body (not just your thoughts)
Your body has been living in:
stress (cortisol)
spikes (adrenaline)
relief crashes
It needs calm, consistent signals again.
👉 Simple tools:
slow breathing (longer exhales than inhales)
gentle movement (walking, stretching)
grounding (feet on floor, naming surroundings)
These help bring your nervous system out of survival mode.
🤝 5. Replace the bond with safe connection
The goal isn’t to “have no attachment”—it’s to build healthy attachment instead.
👉 That might be:
trusted friends
support groups
therapy
safe, consistent people
Your brain needs to learn:
“Connection can feel calm, not chaotic.”
⏳ 6. Expect waves, not a straight line
Healing isn’t linear.
You might:
feel strong one day
miss them the next
question yourself suddenly
That doesn’t mean you’re going backwards—it means your brain is unlearning a pattern.
⚠️ 7. Be cautious with “closure”
Wanting closure is normal—but with trauma bonds, it often becomes:
👉 another hit of the cycle
Most closure comes from:
understanding the pattern
accepting what it was
choosing not to re-enter it
—not from one last conversation.
🌱 The core shift
You move from:
“I need them to feel okay”
to:
“I can feel okay without the cycle”
That’s when the bond starts to loosen.

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