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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me you’d have done the same…

13 replies

Sandybeachbums · 16/06/2025 19:19

I met someone on holiday. Hit it off immediately with him, swapped numbers and agreed to meet up after we both got back etc.

Should say, other than a kiss, nothing else happened although the conversation did turn flirty at times as the chemistry was insane.

We’d had a couple of beers in the afternoon of my last day and he was trying to persuade me to stay on another couple of days which I couldn’t do although was tempted.

I went up to my room to get showered and changed for my transfer. He came to my room just as I got out the shower and I was just standing wrapped in my towel. Didn’t feel uncomfortable as I’d been sitting round the pool with him in my bikini for most of the day anyway.
He then goes to the windows and draws the curtains, takes his top off and then comes towards me while I’m standing just in a towel and tries to pull it off me. I had to tell him at least 3 times to stop trying to yank my towel away, eventually yelling at him and then I threw him out. Took me completely by surprise and was really out of character.

He later messaged me to tell me that it wasn’t what I thought and all he wanted was to feel ‘skin on skin’ before I left. He said he drew the curtains so I wouldn’t be exposed to the people outside.

No real apology from him more him trying to make out that I’d got the wrong end of the stick.

I told him his actions were completely unacceptable and he made me feel very uncomfortable. I then blocked him. I felt sick at what could have happened.

I’m now back home and I wonder if I’ve over reacted. We were drinking albeit not heavily as I was getting my flight home, and we did get flirty and so I’m wracking my brain thinking I’ve done something to encourage him or make him think I wanted him to do that.

I’ve had experiences of gaslighting in past relationships so I can often doubt myself but that’s not right is it? Please tell me you’d have done the same?

OP posts:
TheFunnyPinkWriter · 16/06/2025 19:22

You absolutely did not overreact!
Regardless of his intention and what had happened before that, he was uninvited and didn't listen when you said no.
I would be seriously freaked out and would have blocked him too, I hope you're ok x

KittyEmK · 16/06/2025 19:24

You didn't overeact at all!

imnottoofussed · 16/06/2025 19:26

So did you let him in your room and shut the door? If he just waltzed in himself at that point I’d be telling him to leave to be honest.

I can see where letting him in and only wearing a towel might be misleading.

Thinlyveiled · 16/06/2025 19:27

Horrific. I would have been completely freaked out.

imnottoofussed · 16/06/2025 19:30

He obviously should have got the message the first time you told him to stop rather than the third so no question about whether you did the right thing or not. Whatever you wanted to do was the right thing for you.

Enrichetta · 16/06/2025 19:31

imnottoofussed · 16/06/2025 19:26

So did you let him in your room and shut the door? If he just waltzed in himself at that point I’d be telling him to leave to be honest.

I can see where letting him in and only wearing a towel might be misleading.

Do you belong to the ‘women who wear skimpy dress are asking for it’ school of thought?

imnottoofussed · 16/06/2025 19:35

No but I can see if I’d been flirting up a storm with a man then he went back to his room. I went up there and he was in a towel and let me in. I might be mistaken for thinking he was up for it. Obviously if I started taking my clothes off and he said sorry you’ve got the wrong end of the stick then I’d have died of embarrassment and left immediately.

CopperWhite · 16/06/2025 19:36

You want a better man than that. What he did wasn’t terrible, but there’s no way you should have had to tell him more than once to get off your towel.

Sandybeachbums · 16/06/2025 19:36

@imnottoofussed As I said in my post, I had been sat round the pool wearing my bikini which was showing a lot more than a towel but thank you for your unique perspective.

OP posts:
DissDissOrDiss · 16/06/2025 19:40

You absolutely didn’t over-react. Having to say ‘get off / stop’ more than once is unacceptable (on his part). Well done for slinging him out and blocking him.

Sidebeforeself · 16/06/2025 19:43

You didn't over-react and Im glad you were safe. BUT..you say he acted “completely out of character” yet you hardly knew him.For all you knew, this could be typical behaviour for him. I’m glad you stood your ground

Sandybeachbums · 16/06/2025 19:43

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, I can see how answering the door in a towel could be taken the wrong way but as I said, I’d just come out the shower and was rushing to get dressed before being picked up for my transfer. He’s not given me any bad vibes before that so I’d no reason not to feel unsafe.

OP posts:
imnottoofussed · 16/06/2025 19:45

Yes but in the hotel room with the door shut is a more personal environment. He was definitely in the wrong once you’d said no the first time and should have left of his own accord. Hopefully you feel ok, I’m sure I’d have been very shaken up as hate confrontation so would have been shaking like a leaf about it

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