Suspicions

[Pinkypoos86]

My partner has started going to the gym he says hes going to better himself. He started going at 4am but now he’s just going later rather than stick to his normal time. Hes distant from me and argues with me a lot. Hes giving me the silent treatment. Surely it’s not normal to wear cologne he doesn’t come back with a sweat either. If I confront him he turns around and says it’s all in my head. Hes cheated in the past but not on me. What do I do?

He cheated in the past not was he cheating on ex with you.

No

He is most likely cheating if he has a pattern of cheating on other partners, and especially if your relationship is a result of that. Going to the gym with cologne on and coming home appearing as if he has not worked out is definitely a sign.

At the very minimum, he is emotionally cheating and laying the foundation for cheating, but given his past lack of morals, the recent fighting and gaslighting when you point out the suspicious behavior, I would imagine that he has cheated.

If he is not already cheating on you he is thinking seriously about it.

He now needs to become your ex partner. The silent treatment is an example of emotional abuse so for that reason too it is over . You deserve better than this person.

I’ve been thinking of how to approach him because he is quite loud and he can be very vocal. He told me he cheated in the past because he didn’t love his ex anymore he was with her for 15 years. She was lying to him about stuff. He cheated on her but said he wished he ended the relationship first. He said this was the only time he had ever done it he said he didn’t know how to end the relationship with her.

So he blames her for his infidelity and inability to be honest and pro-active. You are letting the non-existent excuses that he gave you to justify what he is doing to you now. Do you understand this?

Another red flag with a cheater is their inability to own their own cheating.

And, why do you want to confront him? What is your goal with confronting him with his cheating? To hear more lies until he builds up the courage to break up with you? When someone crosses the line and performs a deal-breaker on you then you have one response . . . you leave.

I get what you’re saying I think I’m going to have the chat. I know hes going to be really defensive

Frowned upon, but are you able to get into his phone when he sleeps or something?

@rhrnii have been tempted to go through his phone. He does leave it around me and I know his password. He does let me use his phone and allows me to read his messages if he has any. He leaves his phone unlocked in front of me as well

Perhaps he isn’t cheating at all.
I would have a good look through his phone but if he lets you go on it etc anyway, it doesn’t sound as if he has much to hide. I’d look anyway for peace of mind :).

So when he goes to the gym, does he take change of clothes, towel etc with him that could explain him coming home fresh?

I would look before asking if you are really that worried as he will only lie anyway if he’s up to no good

@Olika no he comes home in the ones he went in

@rhrniI hope he’s not I’m just a little worried because he has done it before he got with me

You sound unhappy in this relationship. He’s got a history of cheating. Do you want to live like this or move on?

as he claims to go to the gym but comes back with no sign of having been to the gym he must be back to his old tricks. As he cheated on his ex it’s no surprise if he is doing it to you too. Doesn’t sound like you are having a good relationship anyway so what’s the point in staying.