Long time lurker, had posted a few times during divorce a few years back and had some good advice to keep me sane. This time it's about a relationship that is about to end and trying to make sense of it?
Both 50 - together 2 years, had a wobble last year as she had been messaged by her ex and it confused her a bit, but after a while things were ok. Had a great Autumn and Christmas and things seemed to be back on track.
This year things have been cooling off. At times I felt I was making all the effort and over the last 2-3 months intimacy had gone - partly through not making time, kids always being around, not staying over etc... But things were otherwise very good, talking about plans for summer, booking another holiday in Oct etc (as late as a week ago).
Last week (after a few blowouts from her, and not feeling valued) I had said about meeting up Mon/Tues and she didnt say anything, so (yes I admit its petty) I just went a bit quiet on messages, then when she said about popping over later in week I told her I was out doing a couple of hobbies. Got to the stage when she said on Sat "I dont know what we mean to each other anymore". Why I couldn't have raised it before I dont know, but we met and talked a bit, all very nice and she said she thinks is more of a friendship thing now, and has been thinking that for a few months (but hadn't told me). Not interested in sex, not sure she wants a BF/GF relationship, almost a friend without benefits! But then starts saying about doing something this weekend!
Left it as she thinks I want more and I do. I want that label, I want to tag each other on FB on days out, I want to be in that committed relationship, with one eye on moving in together in say a couple of years when kids have left/almost left. There is so much in common it's unreal but she also said she doesnt know what she wants. One minute the thought of us moving in as mentioned is great, likes me 'looking after her', and would hate to lose me from her life, but then saying the above as well.
So I could just let it go and move on, find someone that wants exactly what I want, but know that we will message and when we meet up will act in a way that friends dont (hold hands, foot massage etc) unless its a cold break. Or, as we have a holiday with kids in two months use those two months to reframe things and see how it goes. But not sure there is a compromise to be had.