OLD - when do you stop dating other people?

[nocontactquery]

I'm intrigued as to what other people do/ any advice..

I've used dating apps on and off over the years and always been "successful" - ie they've led to a number of long term relationships.

Back on them about 2 months ago again.

I've always been up for chatting to/dating multiple people but usually I've felt like once I've kissed someone (2nd or 3rd date usually) I then stop dating other people as I feel like it might confuse me.. and also as I don't get to that stage quickly/often - I have to really feel a good connection and it's going somewhere to kiss them.

So I've been on 3 dates with one guy who I'm fairly keen on but I'm not as crazy about him as I have been with most other men I've got to this stage with over the years. (I think tbh looking back, there's only ever been 1 man who I've kissed who HASN'T then turned into a relationship! The other 3 or 4 guys I've kissed I've then dated them exclusively, been super excited about them and it's turned into something).

So with this guy.. I'm keen to see him again but he's not my usual type (mainly as he's younger and I usually go for older) so I'm not feeling as bowled over as I usually do. I know he's keen on me but I also know he's still going on other dates (and that might be impacting how keen I'm feeling about him - trying to protect myself!). So I've decided to keep chatting to others and I've now got 2 other dates planned.. but I am mildly concerned that this isn't the way I've usually done things and is it a) just going to make more confused if I end up liking someone else more and b) I feel a bit weird about the fact I've kissed him and will therefore continue to kiss him on dates and grow that connection (I would not go beyond kissing though unless we were both fully exclusive and I wanted to only see him)

How does everyone else deal with this? Do you get confused dating more than one person who you like more etc?

I've never dated more than one person at a time, I like to give them my full focus to work out if we're compatible. Plus I couldn't fit it in with dcs.

I know it's a modern thing to be dating more than one at a time, but the fact that he is would put me off a bit, simply because when you really like someone, all other people natually take a back seat.

I woundn't do the same thing simply because he is though. Be yourself. However, I guess I'd suggest go on the other dates as you already have them lined up.

Everyone is different so it depends what you feel comfortable with. For me, chatting to multiple people is just how things are, but once I’ve met someone if I like them and we see each other again I probably wouldn’t set up dates with other people. But some people are ok with this.
I’ve never got to a 3rd date with someone that didn’t turn into a relationship, I usually end things earlier if I’m not feeling it. But if you have doubts, you should probably keep things casual and not rule out other options you could feel more certain about.
I’ve met someone recently IRL so I’m not pursuing online dates, just to see if this goes anywhere, but if I doesn’t work out then I will.
Do whatever you’re comfortable with.

I used to multi-date but I'd only ever sleep with one person at a time and I expect the same from them.

Having coffee dates with more than one person is fine, but that should stop once anything goes further with anyone.

what do you mean? you can't go for dinner with more than one person at different times? or you feel because I've kissed someone that should be the line?

I think I've only had a couple of men who I've been on more than 3 dates with and it didnt turn into a relationship, so I agree with this largely...

I think it's fine that this guy is going on other dates. More context is that it's his first ever time on OLD and was in a relationship for 10 years before that- although that ended in July 2024 so he has waited a decent amount of time before starting to date.. so I think it's natural he should be going on other dates.. it's just made me think maybe I should be making more effort on that too.

And I've actually just been asked out for another date this week by a new guy I started chatting to this weekend and I'm excited by him too so think may turn out to work out badly for the original guy🤔

Let's just hope I don't get too confused between them!! 😱

You should be honest with him. You're not feeling it, tell him then continue to play the field.

I’ve only ever dated one at a time, just because I’m that fussy, if I don’t feel it’s going anywhere after 2-3 dates I stop dating them or it progresses, I don’t think the guy you’re dating is that into you either, I think you both know if it’s mutual, you naturally don’t want to keep looking. Knowing he’s still wants to date others would put me straight off him.

Serially monogamous me - always have been, always will be.

I feel like more than anything I want to commend you getting that many dates and ask how you do it?!
I've had dates with about 6 people in almost 2 years and none of them went past 3 dates, plus half of them I did the asking as they just didn't. Super jealous, but in a nice way.

In answer to your question I don't think there's an issue you going on dates with a few people. Until it starts to feel like it's building to something more regular and if they were to ask you didn't lie then it's fine.
I think a lot of people are aware that online dating can suddenly implode in some way through ghosting, phase outs etc so you can't really put all your eggs in one basket so to speak.

You say it’s ok for this guy to be going on dates with other women but you don’t think you should be doing the same? Absolutely do not over invest on him and pass possibly a much better match. I would keep meeting others and see what happens. Just don’t kiss them if that holds such importance.

Funnily enough, I saw the original guy last night for a 4th date and decided I didn't fancy him/he wasn't for me actually! I felt like I really didn't want to kiss him too and luckily that didn't happen again. He could tell the vibe was different and actually asked me in person at the end of the date (awkward - could we not have done it over text afterwards haha) so I fudged it a bit but basically agreed I felt a bit different. We said we would leave it for a few weeks anyway as I'm away this weekend and as he's away for 2 weeks at the end of June and basically both agreed that we're fairly new to dating so let's date other people and see what else is out there. I think the implication is that we'll talk again after he's back from his trip and see where we are but I'm feeling like I'm not interested in seeing him again really. Nice guy but just a few things missing.

I guess at least I can give the new guy my full attention tonight ha for a first date.

this is probably more true than I realised..!