Clare's Law question - urgent

[Popie123]

Hi

i did a Clare's law request on someone I have been seeing as I started to see alot of red flags

I put the request in on Friday and got a call today

the police officer wanted to know more about our Rship as she said I had mentioned controlling behaviour on the application and that this is an offence which made me worry that they were going to arrest him or something and he would find out

she then told me that she can see on the system that I will more than likely be getting a disclosure but that it is not high risk or urgent or anything I need to worry about.. I mean wtf does this mean?

i questioned this and she said has he ever been arrested before ? And I said I didn't know

she then said there is something on the system but it could be something historical or something very minor but I more than likely would be hearing something

has anyone got any experience of this ? I don't know how to take this ?

Hugs from me, must be very stressful. As you have your own warning signs are you ending the relationship?

If you can't wait for police disclosure have you searched for his name with 'trial' 'convict' 'sentence' 'accused' 'arrest' and 'charge' etc?

@ClickClickety thank you and I haven't ended it yet but I am distancing myself

I have searched his name , this was one of the first things I did nothing has come up

i am just wondering if any other women have had similar experiences with the police saying this

Op I think regardless of why they have to say you need to take your emotions out the equation and use your head here. Theres already more than enough evidence this guys bad news and not someone to be getting further entwined with.

Please listen to your gut @Popie123 the 3 individuals who sexually abused me when I was a child, and all 3 went on to be abusive in their relationships, were never formally arrested or charged with the crimes as they were historical. The police have the details on file but if you googled any of their names, nothing would show up. Some might think because it never went to trial that they are innocent. I know two of the women they had “relationships” with and suffered abuse, controlling behaviour etc. unfortunately none of this was reported. So to the outside world, they may seem like normal human beings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Don’t wait for the police, please.

Thanks for your replies.. I understand this is all red flags I am just very anxious and concerned about what potentially may be disclosed given this man knows where I live and lives very close to me himself so I more wanted to know if anyone has experienced a similar response from the police

I just wanted to come back and update this I just had a call to say there is no disclosure to be made and that after looking into his record there is no violent or DA offences on there. Quite annoyed that the police even said what they said yday and made me worry and act like there was something

I would take that with a HUGE pinch of salt.... they clearly could see something on his record, just not something that meets the official criteria to then be shared with you.....

This.

She may have said something she wasn't supposed to, rather than there actually not being anything at all. She could have been trying to nudge you in the right direction.

Don't use them not disclosing anything as an excuse to ignore the gut instinct that made you ask in the first place.

There’s been enough in his behaviour so far to make you contact the police to ask the question.

Relationships are supposed to be fun and make your life better. If his behaviour has caused you to be uneasy enough to contact the police, please reassess what this relationship does for you. 💐

Yep yep yep. Walk away, just because there’s nothing on record as official that they can tell you doesn’t mean you should ignore your own red flags.

This!!! Clearly something was on this man's record but it wasn't DV or violence, and therefore didn't fall within Claire's Law criteria. If you're seeing red flags, and it simply doesn't feel 'right', then follow your instincts. If no one has ever reported any controlling behaviour, then there won't be anything of that nature to disclose, but just because there's nothing to disclose, doesn't mean he's not controlling!!

Whatever it was, it’s a red herring.

The real red flag is that YOU told the police that he is controlling. That is reason enough for why you should end the relationship.

How long has you been seeing this person OP?

If i found myself even considering a Claire’s law submission on a chap I was seeing…. Then he wouldn’t see me for dust

listen to this there is something - given the thousands of men - walk away from this one.

You can say sorry work has just taken off and I’m not in the right headspace for a relationship but good luck. Wish him well and throw him back in