Lied to again!!!

[Catastrophe71]

My girlfriend (43) has just returned from a holiday with her friends. She would message me every night to let me know when they were back to the apartment.

I pretty much don't trust her, as I know she's lied to me in the past. This weekend I had a look at her phone while she was in the shower, and there was a message from one of the girls asking where the other 2 were, as it was 9am and they hadn't come back. That evening she'd messaged to say she was back in the apartment about 3am!!

We're in a distance relationship, and she's swears she'd never cheat on me. The fact that she openly tell lies doesn't bode well though. I don't know how to broach the subject without admitting to looking at her phone, which I know is a breach of trust. However, it's the only way I can find out that she's lied to me.

If she was open and honest, at least we could talk through things, but if I confront her, she'll double down and pass the blame on to me for snooping.

You don’t trust her so realistically this relationship can’t survive
you’re snooping and she is lying so not sure where things can go

Why would she need to let you know every night when she’s back? That sounds like her under pressure from you controlling her. She’s on holiday, hopefully enjoying herself every evening, staying out till 3am doesn’t mean cheating.

It was her decision, not mine. She can stay out and do what she wants, within reason. The fact she said she was in when she clearly wasn't is the issue!

She doesn’t care about you so dump and move on. Do yourself both a favour!

Honestly you will never trust her so just finish it. You sound so controlling and reading her messages like that is bang out of order.

I suppose it was the final desperate act to confirm what I already knew, that she can stand there with a straight face and lie to me. Not something I'm proud of, however, I don't understand the controlling part. I never asked her to message me, she volunteered to. Again, if she had nothing to hide maybe she wouldn't have suggested it.

Don't read other people's private messages. Controlling stalkerish behaviour.

Just live in a world where you're taken for granted and lied to then. I went through all sorts of mental anguish before I did it. Otherwise I'd be blissfully unaware I'm in a toxic relationship.

No I'll continue to live in a world where I only want to have a relationship with someone I can trust thank you.

It's completely disrespectful and a violation of her privacy to read her messages without asking her.

“Within reason”?? What does that mean exactly? Within whose idea of reasonable? Yours or hers?

Frankly, if I were her I’d end the relationship. You sound very insecure and controlling. And if you mistrust her enough to go snooping through her phone then you should end it. Why would you want to live with a black cloud of suspicion hanging over your head?