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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't want to have to think about them anymore

5 replies

Sleepwayne · 15/06/2025 23:50

My DH has one sibling and they are awful, as is their spouse. There's a huge backstory that I won't bore you with but basically almost everyone who knows them is no longer speaking to them. On the contrary I have no other people who I don't get on with!

For years I have generally avoided them. DH's family is very fragmented and there are no 'family occasions' so I don't have much cause to see them. My husband visits very occasionally, maybe twice a year. My MIL is an intelligent woman who is interesting to talk to but she enables their behaviour. They moved in with her about 2 years ago so that has made things more complicated. One of them works, the other has never worked (at all) and MIL doors the bill, and has in fact gifted them her house. This has caused huge resentment but only from me, my husband is just saddened by it.

I'd like to never think about them again, but it's hard now they are living with MIL. Of course I want my husband to maintain any family relationships he wants to, and I want to continue some sort of relationship with my MIL who I have known most of my life so it's slightly different to your typical MIL/DIL relationship as it isn't solely around my husband. I just want nothing to do with them. I don't want to think about them. Every time they pop up with some sort of grabby request, it just gives me so much rage that it's not healthy. How do I manage this? I am not a confrontational person so it just simmers. They have children who I have only met a couple of times, they do know my husband (but much less than our nieces and nephews on my side) and my husband has never received a thank you for birthday/Christmas gifts (which I do try hard on even though I don't know them, it's not their fault). I just want to say that I'm done and if he wants to continue to buy them bits that's fine.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 15/06/2025 23:56

My impression from your post was that you didn’t see them anyway. But yeah, they sounds like wronguns and it’s probably a good to give them a wide birth.

Sleepwayne · 16/06/2025 09:24

You're right, I don't. But they're always there asking my husband for stuff, being ungrateful. They crash my mood whenever something comes up, it's so frustrating. I want to be able to accept their existence without the rage, if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 16/06/2025 09:34

Yes I get it. I think you might just have to accept that these guys bring up uncomfortable feelings for you.

We all have unwanted feelings. But just feel them and let them pass. Carry on your coping mechanism of not getting involved with them. I think over time the feelings of frustration will lessen.

They sound particularly bad but I think most people have rellies or other people like this in their lives that bring them down. The less airtime you give them the better. It sounds like you’re probably already coping with them as well as you can.

MauriceTheMussel · 16/06/2025 10:19

I sympathise OP. I have similar with my BIL and his wife.

Ultimately, just ignore them. You don’t have to meet up with them and your DH should understand that. Don’t give them any mental bandwidth - whether that be getting them a Christmas card, texting HBD etc. They’rw not your relatives.

MauriceTheMussel · 16/06/2025 10:19

I sympathise OP. I have similar with my BIL and his wife.

Ultimately, just ignore them. You don’t have to meet up with them and your DH should understand that. Don’t give them any mental bandwidth - whether that be getting them a Christmas card, texting HBD etc. They’rw not your relatives.

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