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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do people 'start over' wrt relationships?

1 reply

NCembarassed · 15/06/2025 18:58

This isn't quite a TAAT, but is loosely based on a comment from another thread, which got me thinking about my situation.

I was married for nearly 20yrs, he left over 5yrs ago. Self & children much better off, he was abusive & an alcoholic.

I have no family to speak of, & his were not only abusive to our children, but have cut them off since the divorce. No loss, but we all feel a bit sad when we see how close others are to theirs.

l had to completely relocate to a place I didn't know anyone (only place available or we would've been homeless). I've sorted home, schooling, & a unicorn job - one that is paying for my training while I work my socks off - and I'm having to commit for several years ahead. Self & children are disabled, myself quite chronically.

I have no network of friends, no romantic interest, nothing. My life is work & sleep. I'm changing my work pattern in a few months due to a disability, which might make life a bit better (shame about the pay cut).

I don't know where to go/look for company/friends/dating. Ex wasn't happy for me to leave the house (regularly locked us in & took keys etc) or threatened to hurt kids if I went out. I wasn't allowed to work. I have PTSD, but therapy has massively helped. I'm visibly disabled & worry that will put some off (not looking for a carer in any way, am fiercely independent). I'm autistic too, so tend to put my foot in my mouth a fair bit, & menopause has given me v.little tolerance for shit (wish I'd had that 20 years earlier).

I don't like pubs, and have no clue about OLD - it sounds like a minefield.

I have considered staying single, but based on my Grandma's age I could have a good 40yrs left. Not sure if I want to be single all that time. Don't know if I could tolerate someone 24/7 any more. I see how happy my colleague's relationships make them & feel like I'm living an OAP life by comparison (no offence meant) in terms of loneliness & energy.

I am grateful for how far we've come already. I have found a lovely church but don't want to offload too much on people irl, plus people have a lot on with their own families.

OP posts:
NCembarassed · 15/06/2025 23:00

Anyone?

OP posts:
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