Her parents hate me for the bad image they have of me

[Meister]

hello everybody, it’s been 1 year and 5 months i’m with this girl, but i was a bit overprotective etc , which made it look like i was controlling obviously. But fine overall i changed recently like 2-3 weeks ago not even. I know her mom , but not her dad and the rest. They all hate me now because my girl had bad results in school so obviously they linked it to our relationship, and they took her phone and checked everything and saw us and how we have been etc so they saw the old image of me. That’s how it is, now they hate me , and i didn’t even get to know her dad yet, i only have his contact , since my girl gave it to me for urgence purposes.. it’s been a week now i am without her.. i need advices, what can i do?

0/10

Stop calling her ‘my girl’ for a start.

I only call her my girl here to not seem weird or something

The relationship doesn’t sound healthy, and her parents have every right to take her phone if they need to.
Give it space and see what happens. If you really have changed the you’ll probably need to show it over time.

Yeah that’s what i’m doing, i’m waiting , i have been working on myself since a month. I recognize all the bad i done , but i need to show them so. I just dont know how and when

How old are you?

How old is she and how old are you?

You’ve controlled her for 18 months and expect her parents to be gushing over you now you’ve changed 2 weeks ago? Are you 14?

I’m about to be 21 in september and she is 19 since February

Yall misunderstanding, i didn’t control her or anything obviously, and of course not for long , we communicated and changed many things over time dont worry about that

Are you 12?
because if this is real and she’s young enough to be living with her parents who confiscated her phone you’re an arsehole
HTH

What’s your user name all about? Master? Yeh you’re a changed man

Thought someone could advice for good, not only criticise, it’s fine overall, i know and the most important thing is that SHE KNOWS i changed , we just can’t because of her family

Naaaah
we see you
this is a site full of women who can sniff about bullshit at twenty paces
leave this girl alone and let her heal
her parents see you
Hopefully she will too

Thank you man , finally someone who understands me. Also yeah i will let this heal , her last words were “goodbye my love, i love you and hope we’ll be good again❤️”

Gosh you’ve spent a full two weeks changing yourself and they won’t give you a chance??!
So unreasonable of them

Actually spent the whole relationship on changing many things, but mostly this month that passed i’ve been working on myself, not only 2 weeks. Changing is growing simply

Is this real? From the parents prospective- you controlled their daughter with coercive behaviour, they found out when they took her phone because they were worried about what went on that gave her bad grades. Then you “changed”, 2-3 weeks isn’t a change, it’s a breather. FYI - over protective IS controlling not “looks” controlling. You are probably the reason for her bad grades and you don’t seem to care she got bad grades just that her parents are stopping you seeing her. You want us to tell you ways to persuade her parents you’ve changed. You haven’t changed, you’ve been caught. The relationship sounds toxic. If you truly like this girl, which I doubt, because you would never have treated her in a controlling manner, you’ll let her go and tell her to study hard and get a decent life. My guess is you won’t let her go, because you want to win, you’re insecure enough to want her to choose you over her parents.
Also, I doubt the parents will ever be won over after your behaviour to their daughter. I hope you never repeat your controlling behaviour with anyone ever again, and you start finding out how to treat others properly.

Sometimes you damage a relationship so badly by being controlling (or “overprotective” as you put it) that “changing” isn’t good enough because the damage is already done.

Let this girl go, work on yourself and then pursue another relationship once you’ve reached a point where you’re able to behave appropriately from the beginning and throughout.

a relationship that is not healthy from the beginning should not continue. Add in her bad grades during the relationship and the critical age gap, she is still in school and you are not, and her parents are right to intervene.

work on yourself and then date women where there is no power disparity.

Can you not hear how entitled you sound?

Would you honestly just take it on faith that someone, who has consistently behaved one way all the time that you’ve known them, has changed, after just two weeks?

Why would any rational person believe that? Two weeks is nothing. I mean every Lent I give up chocolate for 6 weeks and come Easter Sunday, I’m eating those chocolate eggs like everyone else.

This is an opportunity to really learn and grow, to work hard on being a person worthy of this woman. I hear that you’re in pain, but use that pain to be better. Not just to whine about how unfair people are being.

You are both very young. I'm about 63 &, trust me from my perspective 21 & 19 is very young. If I'd married the boyfriend that I'd at at 19 it would've been a complete disaster.

As PP say concentrate on your careers & budling a foundation for your futures

PS dads rarely like their daughter's boyfriends. I don't remember my DF thinking any of my boyfriends were good enough for me. My DH was rather sceptical about our DDs DH <now husband of 15 years> he also thought that there was no man good enough for her, but he's mellowed now that they have 2 lovely little girls & has proved himself to be a wonderful father.

@Meister - you cannot mend this relationship nor should you try to do so. I have 2 young adult DDs. If any boyfriend behaved controllingly towards them, I would want that BF gone. If any BF contributed to them flunking their exams, he would never be welcome back. That’s your exGF’s future. She needs to do well in her exams. Unfortunately you’ve been that BF - you’ve been the BF who was bad news and dragged their DD down. You’re not entitled to a way back to the relationship.

BUT you are very young. Use this as a lesson to work on yourself. It would be good if you could examine why you thought it was okay to try to control your exGF. Look at why your presence in her life meant she flunked her exams. In a good relationship, each partner helps the other flourish and grow - they make life bigger and better for each other. They help each other do well. For the future - in your next relationship(s) - try to be the BF who encourages his partner to have ambition - to do well in exams, to pursue a career that interests her, to go for promotion at work etc. Be that BF.

You sound like you’ve spent too much time on Reddit.

Abusive men never change in the same relationship. For her sake you need to leave her and seek help.