Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice not judgement.

8 replies

arch2024 · 15/06/2025 18:45

Just looking for some advice Not judgement.
I’ve been friends with this man for 25 years .
in the last 2 years we have become closer but platonic until end of last year on 3 occasions. We still maintain contact as before.
I believed he was happy and married him and his wife . I was happy and not expecting anything.
I found out earlier this year his wife has been cheating on him for a long time (12 months) and is in love with the other man.
Both of us have always cared about each other (me and him).
He knows how I feel and he has a lot going on right now so I’ve left him be as there is lots to sort. What will be will be I know that but I can’t help but want to put my arms around him and tell him all will be ok . Am I best to step away?

OP posts:
AgnesX · 15/06/2025 18:48

In a word yes. He's going to be a bit of a mess. Don't set yourself up to be his saviour. It won't end well. For your own good, keep your distance..

Springadorable · 15/06/2025 18:50

It depends what you want long term. If you're happy being a confidence boosting rebound until he's ready for something more serious with someone else, then stay close. If you want more than a bit of fun, I'd back off. You can be a friend but I'd stop anything sexual.

Whenim63 · 15/06/2025 18:59

You thought he was happily married and you went there anywhere? Why? What good could possibly come of that, for you? And now you seem to think he isn’t happily married, you want to take it further? Op, you deserve better than this.

altmember · 15/06/2025 21:09

His wife's been cheating on him for 12 months. And he's been having an emotional affair with you for 2 years that's become physical. Only advice I can think of is to stay away until they decide whether they want to try and repair their marriage or get divorced.

RealEagle · 15/06/2025 21:25

Is this the same man you wrote about last December?You was advised then to walk away as he was married with kids .

Original poster
arch2024 · 16/06/2025 11:23

RealEagle · 15/06/2025 21:25

Is this the same man you wrote about last December?You was advised then to walk away as he was married with kids .

Yes and I did . He reached out to me !

OP posts:
Original poster
arch2024 · 16/06/2025 11:24

altmember · 15/06/2025 21:09

His wife's been cheating on him for 12 months. And he's been having an emotional affair with you for 2 years that's become physical. Only advice I can think of is to stay away until they decide whether they want to try and repair their marriage or get divorced.

Totally agree . Their marriage is dead but that’s for them to work out not me and I will keep my distance.

OP posts:
Original poster
arch2024 · 16/06/2025 11:26

Springadorable · 15/06/2025 18:50

It depends what you want long term. If you're happy being a confidence boosting rebound until he's ready for something more serious with someone else, then stay close. If you want more than a bit of fun, I'd back off. You can be a friend but I'd stop anything sexual.

I feel very down as I don’t reach out to him at all . It’s him to me and I’m not strong enough to ignore as my feelings get the better of me.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page