Handhold please..... finding the courage to separate at 46 .....with DH since 22 ....

[MMMMMBacon]

Have been trying to find the courage on and off for years now ......always decide to give it my all and give it another chance ...so tired .....DS now in mid teens...I think I am scared to make the break with H .....any sharing of experiences of people who felt terrified and did it anyway pls.....I always wobble and back down .....

No kids, but marriage ended after a 20 year relationship in my forties - there is life on the other side!

I was roughly your age and DS was 8.

it took me a few years and was scared as he was abusive. It was a chance. He lost his job and everything unravelled fast so I put the house on the market and DS and moved away.

divorce and the mechanics of separating are hard. No doubt. Please ensure you have support in real life.
Wishing you strength.

47 here. Only a few months in. Kids are 16 and 9. It’s been rough but getting there. Have many ok days now.

How long did it take Summer ? I dont mean just the emotions - but the learning to adult feels scary even though I earn equally and always have ......

How did he react @howrudeforme when he knew you were leaving ? Did he try to fight for custody ? Did you have family close by.

Thanks to those who read and responded.....

wow sounds quite similar re kids age (my DS is mid teens too, only have the one)
How have your children reacted and been handling it @highstoolfling ?

The opposite of how I’d imagined they’d take it. My DS 9 was most attached to Dad and he has absolutely thrived. My DD who was miserable under the controlling nature of my ex has been devastated and missing him terribly. Doesn’t feel safe in house without him. You just can’t predict these things. It takes time. Yesterday was rough as it was Father’s Day. Just felt a bit hollow and a real insight into the pain these Hallmark holidays cause.

@MMMMMBacon

he made threats for years that he’d take DS to his country (and I could save my money to go visit him sometimes). Also financially controlling. I was scared and miserable.

however he lost his job and overnight had a breakdown. I hacked into his phone finally and could see everything (not another woman) - I then had the power.he took out DS to Italy (and I was terrified he wouldn’t come back). While they gone I just got estate agents to value.

given the debt he was in he was on back foot. He returned and I just said we need to sell up and initially he saw ££££ and excited but I added we’d be separating. He had no choice other to accept.huge breakdown. I had to do everything - gave him half the assets and my DS 9 and I had to move out of London. I was 23 when I met him. Now late 50s.

did a DIY divorce. He hasn’t paid a penny towards his son. I facilitated a relationship between the two. I had sole custody but he stayed with dad one night a week but DS later told me dad just made him dinner then drank and went to sleep early leaving him alone. Ds now 19 is angry with him and refers to him as ‘a bum who lives up a mountain in Italy’ .

i feel safer without him around. But I’m broke and scarred from a relationship point of view. Just work and look after DS for as long as he needs. That ‘marriage’ cost me my health.

it’s hard but the freedom and peace of mind is worth it. Your DS is older and should be able to make up his own mind about where to live and when? Are you worried husband would get sole custody?

I am similar age to you and took me around five years to finally get to where I am now. Over those years it was constant indecision about what to do. But the thought of the kids leaving home and staying with him for the next 30 odd years was too much. Emotionally it was very very hard, but think I am in a good place now. It is very scary, but once the decision is made, life is so much better. You deserve to be happy

I actually feel envious of the threads where women say their husband just upped and left with an OW .....

if I am left with my 50pc of assets, my son at least most of the week with only EOW without my son or even better, less than that - I dont need maintenence money or anything just the sheer peace

had another yelling row over waking up late - who wakes up at dawn on a saturday any way ?

I feel like I really need to stand up for myself or leave , posted the most recent conflict on AIBU today !!!! Please vote !!!!!

I'm currently on the fence.
50
2 kids older teen and 20-something

Can see the potential of a better life?
But also scared of financial instability and being lonely?
Perhaps it would be the wrong decision.

Very hard.

Yes it would be easier if there was a definite reason such as OW