My partner cannot communicate

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Hey, me my partner and two kids recently went on holiday for a week, was lovely! We was only intimate once out there as I got food poisoning & was sick for 2 days and then where I’d been so ill my pill hadn’t stayed down and I annoyingly came on my period. Anyway we got home, and my partner mentioned about how we only had sex once and it was a holiday etc and then went on to say we hardly have sex, but he never asks me? He always seems to wait for me to ask him? And I said this and he went on to say how he doesn’t bother anymore as bored of asking. Very strange as I never say no, but I’m tired a lot due to having a toddler who wakes up all night! My partner has been sleeping on sofa due to our toddler waking up and coming into bed. I never asked him to do this.

Anyway this conversation wasn’t a conversation - he turned it into such a big row, saying things aren’t the same with us anymore ans how I am a different person now we have our second child. He said I make no effort with myself, and how it’s like living with a housemate. He also said he’s only with me for the kids. He has said this before and when things were fine again - he told me that he didn’t mean it and said it to hurt me as we was arguing. But now again?

I am always the first to approach him and sort things out - however this time I have stopped myself as he said some really hurtful things and for once he should come to me and say sorry and make things right. But a week has gone by and we haven’t said a word to each other.

Last night before I went to bed I layed out Father’s Day card and presents on the kitchen side for him when he got home as went for dinner after gym and this morning I got up to him in the kitchen, didn’t acknowledge that I’d left this on kitchen side for him. He didn’t say a word, no thank you or anything. He then left for work, I decided to put a story up on instagram of him and kids and said ‘happy father’s day’ - never shared on his, or again said a word.

I am now sitting in bedroom alone every night, I feel so down and lonely and not sure what to do from here?

any advice is welcome 😔 thank you x

Also hasn’t opened the card or presents, it’s still sitting there on kitchen side 😔

Do not yourself do what he is doing here ie staying together for the supposed sake of the children. They won't say thanks to either of you for doing that to them.

If he has not talked to you for the best part of a week either then that is abusive on his part. Silent treatment is being done here by him to punish you for some transgressions in his head. This should be the last straw for you; the only level of abuse acceptable in a relationship is none.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and just what are they learning here?. Be own your own; its better than being with Mr Wrong. What is the situation re the finances and property?.

@AttilaTheMeerkatthe sad thing is I have read silent treatment is abuse so I know this & he does this every single time I say something or say how I am feeling about something - I always say to him it feels like punishment.
I wasn’t only staying for the children- I do love him as 80% of the time we fine but that’s probably cos I avoid saying anything that we are fine.
I just feel so trapped as with two children - the rent is sooo much to move out! He knows this aswell - I just feel like I am trapped here. This argument has really made me want to leave but I wish I could just go x

What is the situation re the finances and property?. Is this a jointly rented property?.

Where did you get this we are fine 80% of the time figure from; it sounds to me like it was plucked out of thin air frankly. I would also think it's very much wide of the mark too. And you and he likely only get along when you are completely quiet and are otherwise subservient to him. He's conditioned you accordingly.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships?. This is not the model to be showing them and for them to potentially emulate as adults.

You are not a rehab centre for some badly raised man so stop acting like one. If he cannot be bothered with you all that is down to him. Leave his fathers day stuff to gather dust.

I would seek legal advice on the quiet re all aspects of separating from him. Can you increase your working hours?. I would also consider contacting Womens Aid and the Rights of Women as the latter can give some legal advice.

He sounds utterly immature. Of course sex lives can be affected when you have young kids. The silent treatment is punishment in itself and it’s a terrible way to resolve issues. Effectively he’s training you to be quiet about how you feel or else he’ll refuse to speak to you. Yes, it’s an abuse tactic.

Do you work? Try to speak to https://www.turn2us.org.uk/ or https://www.entitledto.co.uk/?utm_source=BAdviser&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=GovUK to work out what you might qualify for in terms of benefits, and speak to womensaid if you feel the abuse is escalating.