I don’t know how I’m doing this

[TT250]

ended any type of a relationship with my baby’s dad following on from a post I’d previously put up….
this week he’s messaged but it’s been very on and off things like
you ok?
how’s the baby?
he finishes work at 6pm said he can be at mine by 7 to see his daughter - I said if she’s not tired I will try keep her awake so you see her for 10 mins - I’m trying to be reasonable more than I should probably - he has her on a Friday I let him have her at mine - he had her for a couple of hours on Saturday and then today I said he can just have his own plan for the day — he said he’d like us to take her the park - I constantly feel guilt so I said yeah In the week - today he’s come to mine and has a massive downer look on I asked what’s wrong he said nothing as usual I said do you wanna talk cause I feel like you’re misunderstood how this is all now he said he gets it then it’s all started he’s gonna contact my ex ask how I made his life hell. He wants his telly back he wants her on his days off screw what I want… I can’t stop him seeing her or I’m using her as a weapon … I’m soooo cross right now I just don’t know how to deal with this ….

How old is the child? Agree set contact, ideally for him to have her alone - at his or out - and stop trying to play pretend families by doing things together or at yours.

She’s 1
hes just set on having her Thursday night Friday Saturday and then bring her home sunday morning ? as these are his days off but I work in the week too until 3pm so how’s that fair
if I agree to that now to see how it works will that go against me if it doesn’t work ??
I don’t want him at mine at all

One year old is to young to be staying overnight and three nights in a row that's too much for one year old, and for you to be with out child that long,
Were will child and dad be staying??, this needs to be a formal contract via children services, and they wouldn't agree to this as child is so young, but in time things can change as child gets older,
Why are you allowing him to visit your home op, were is he living,

He’s staying with one of my family members they were doing him a favour to save money not that he has ….
he says if I take it to child services he will ruin my life he thinks that’s me “stopping” him seeing her

You need to contact Women's aid for advice and support.
Stop allowing a man threatening you into your home.
He is a bully.
You need support to deal with him.
Tell him to take you to court.

Why are your family housing a man threatening you?

OP, you've posted before I believe? This man is abusive. I can't quite remember if he has been physical with you but I do recall that he has threatened you plenty, more or less stalked you and tried to insist that you can never have another relationship again? He also has history of insisting you rush home from whatever you're doing so he can see th ebaby?

You really really need to go to Women's Aid.

For the avoidance of doubt, no, that is not a reasonable contact schedule. Nor doe she get to be in your house (although it' sunclear from your posts if he's still insisting on contact at your home or wants to take the baby completely).

does he pay any CMS? If not, get that sorted asap.

Even if you DID get to the point where it was 50:50, it wouldn't be fair for that to be withyou responsible for the days that you are working and have to pay for childcare while he gets the lovely weekends and no childcare.

Have you spoken to a solicitor?

What do you mean a formal contract between children's services?! Children's services don't get involved in contact arrangements! If the OP wants to go to mediation to agree a parenting plan that's up to her and to the ex but children's services have nothing to do with it.

OP has indeed posted before, hello again.

You need to contact Womens Aid here along with the courts. Is he now paying child maintenance?.

Please do NOT go to mediation with your abuser OP. It will be a complete and utter waste of time and effort. He only wants his own way - you and your child to he do not matter. He will continue to use your child as a weapon against you.

And you do need to put your big girl pants on here and take this man to court to nail down a contact schedule. He is coming around to your property to also keep an eye on you; he probably thinks you're on the hunt already for another man. He smoking weed daily is another reason for him not to be around you or the baby on a schedule of his choosing. Its also unsettling for his child.