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Original poster

First date went well :(

11 replies

immissingyou · 15/06/2025 14:03

Hey MN (never really had a mum's advice so this place is invaluable even though I'm in my fifties!).

Went on a first date last weekend. I've been dating for a couple of years. Not really found anyone I want to settle with - I'd say I'm getting better at noticing problems - and I would tend to say due to previous experiences in life tend to be a little bit avoidant - but working on it all.

This guy was totally different, actually seemed like a grown up which may be a first! I liked him alot. He seemed pretty keen. I know it's just one date but we have so much in common and I liked him instantly. This is unusual for me. (Of course I know it could go downhill from there as it's only one date and we don't know each other much).

Unfortunately we live quite far away from each other (2.5/3 hours drive). He's quite new to dating again after a long marriage and then one relationship that didn't work out that he described as complicated. The idea was that we would take part in a mutual hobby so that even if there wasn't a connection it would still be a nice day.

He seemed to be mulling it all over at the end - pros and cons bearing in mind the distance. I made it fairly clear that I was interested I think, but after a couple of texts thanking each other for a really nice time and that we really enjoyed each other's company he has disappeared. I'm just a bit gutted. Mine was the final text so I don't want to send any more.

Is there anything I can do? Thank you x

OP posts:
howdowedothenewnormal · 15/06/2025 14:10

I sounds as though he lives far too far away from you for it to be workable so I understand his decision and really wouldn’t take it personally.

I think you need to date people closer to home.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/06/2025 14:24

Anything you can do to get him back do you mean?

if so, of course not, he’s made his choice which he is absolutely allowed to do, have respect for that.

Chamomileteaplease · 15/06/2025 14:28

It is a real shame because I know how hard it can be to meet someone you really like.

However, most people would rule out a relationship where the couple are 2-3 hours apart. It would be a nightmare to navigate for most people.

Try to look at the positive - you have discovered that there is at least one person out there who suits you! But maybe refine your search parameters to closer geographically from now on.

Best of luck!

DiscoBob · 15/06/2025 14:36

It is very far to travel for dating. Would you be OK doing most of the travel? Not that you should have to but it does make the whole thing much more of a commitment from the start. For both parties. It's a lot more effort in the early stages.

It's basically an LDR. And he clearly doesn't want one of those.

I mean if someone lived near an airport they could date someone in another country if they didn't mind three hours travel each way. But it's not an arrangement that suits everyone.

Don't let it put you off. It was good practice and nothing bad came of you going on that one date.

Let it boost your confidence. And maybe look for people a bit more local in future? Not necessarily three streets away, but maybe not several hours.

Original poster
immissingyou · 15/06/2025 14:54

DiscoBob · 15/06/2025 14:36

It is very far to travel for dating. Would you be OK doing most of the travel? Not that you should have to but it does make the whole thing much more of a commitment from the start. For both parties. It's a lot more effort in the early stages.

It's basically an LDR. And he clearly doesn't want one of those.

I mean if someone lived near an airport they could date someone in another country if they didn't mind three hours travel each way. But it's not an arrangement that suits everyone.

Don't let it put you off. It was good practice and nothing bad came of you going on that one date.

Let it boost your confidence. And maybe look for people a bit more local in future? Not necessarily three streets away, but maybe not several hours.

Edited

Thanks DiscoBob,
I did say to him at the beginning about the distance and that I could probably travel once a month but it would have to be a mutual thing. He just said 'oh well let's see if we get on first and go from there'. Tbh I think because it's all so new to him he hadn't really thought it through.

He seemed to be unsure at the end. He said things like 'oh it would be easy if we hadn't got on'. At one point even talked about the possibility of moving nearer to me. It's tough yes. Tbh the avoidant thing means I don't really get knocked back confidence wise but wasn't expecting to like him so much.

Thanks for taking the time to reply

OP posts:
Original poster
immissingyou · 15/06/2025 14:55

Chamomileteaplease · 15/06/2025 14:28

It is a real shame because I know how hard it can be to meet someone you really like.

However, most people would rule out a relationship where the couple are 2-3 hours apart. It would be a nightmare to navigate for most people.

Try to look at the positive - you have discovered that there is at least one person out there who suits you! But maybe refine your search parameters to closer geographically from now on.

Best of luck!

Thank you 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Koazy · 15/06/2025 15:00

You could always message to say hello

DiscoBob · 15/06/2025 15:01

immissingyou · 15/06/2025 14:54

Thanks DiscoBob,
I did say to him at the beginning about the distance and that I could probably travel once a month but it would have to be a mutual thing. He just said 'oh well let's see if we get on first and go from there'. Tbh I think because it's all so new to him he hadn't really thought it through.

He seemed to be unsure at the end. He said things like 'oh it would be easy if we hadn't got on'. At one point even talked about the possibility of moving nearer to me. It's tough yes. Tbh the avoidant thing means I don't really get knocked back confidence wise but wasn't expecting to like him so much.

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Show quote history

I think it sounds like he was coming on a bit strong and quite misleading by mentioning he might move nearer to you?! After one date?

Sounds a bit love bomb. Honestly just don't worry about him. You've done nothing wrong and if anything he could've just been a time waster. X

Justmuddlingalong · 15/06/2025 15:07

and then one relationship that didn't work out that he described as complicated
Bullet dodged.
Onwards and upwards.

LittlleMy · 15/06/2025 15:42

@immissingyou im also in my 50s and what I’ve learnt is that if a man really likes you, he will find a way. Yes it’s a long distance but not impossible. You offered a practical way forward but he didn’t want to reciprocate. As I see it you could have met each other every other week for maybe a weekend (perhaps even going halves on a hotel for the night by meeting halfway and having a day out somewhere nearby) and then face timed the non travel week. You’d then have a sense of if there was a real lasting spark and potential for longevity and proceeded accordingly or alternatively called it a day if there was nothing there. The fact that he only saw things in black and white would have personally put me off him.

Please don’t waste any more time thinking of him. Next! ♥️

Original poster
immissingyou · 15/06/2025 17:03

Thanks yeah I know you're right. Just a bit frustrating as I quite enjoy the meeting people bit but rarely feel like it could go further. Oh well onwards and upwards x

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