I received a message from my ex over WA. I thought perhaps he would finally like to spend time with his children. But all he wants is to rewrite everything he has done to avoid time with his children.
he also refers to the buying of tech for our other son who has an offer to study maths at a good RG university and needed up to date MacBook. I had already bought the MacBook and didn’t even expect a contribution from him. I showed him the one I bought and he said he’d send money to my bank ( asked me for details etc) I told him to pay via CMS since I didn’t want to give my bank info. He is on a DEO for refusal to pay and owes a few thousand pounds.
he has cancelled seeing the children’s many times because he went on weekends away and to visit his wife’s family etc. he currently hasn’t seen them since April, before that he saw them in October 2024.
in this long WA not once did he actually request to see the children or arrange a concrete date. It was all about rewriting everything and covering up his cancellations to reassert his narrative that I stop him from seeing his own children
I’m starting to think he is actually insane. I have messages from him stating he can’t see them because he’s too busy and even because I didn’t respond quick enough to his messages. He has no grip on reality. That’s the best excuse I can think of. This is how he texted me, he wrote me a formal letter by text.
Dear gobbi
I hope you and the children are keeping well.
I wanted to reach out and ask when I might be able to resume having the kids over on the weekends, as we did before. I truly miss spending time with them, and I know they benefit from that regular connection too.
I understand you're upset about the delay with the money for Ds’s computer. I’m really sorry if my explanation was unclear—it may not have come across the way I intended. I want to make it clear that I am more than willing to pay for his computer.
What I had tried to suggest was handling the payment through the Child Maintenance system, so that the cost could be deducted from the total amount owed. This would save me around 10%, which the system usually takes as a fee. I realise that might not seem significant from your perspective, but for me—on a very modest wage—it does make a difference.
This would simply require a brief email from you to Child Maintenance, confirming your agreement to offset the amount for the computer. That way, DS can receive it sooner, and we can handle things fairly and efficiently.
I’d also like to gently ask that the children not be affected when there are disagreements between us. I truly believe they deserve consistent time with both of their parents. When autistic ds1 visits, he always enjoys our outings—especially the cinema—and he seems so happy and relaxed having his own space here. And Autistic ds2 clearly misses me deeply; at our last visit, he was so affectionate and clung to me at every chance he had. That kind of bond is so important for his emotional wellbeing.
I know we’ve had our differences, but I hope we can continue to work together in a way that puts the children’s needs and happiness first. They mean everything to both of us.
With kind regards,
exDH (narc)
its crazy making if you allow yourself to get taken in by it