Bit of a long one sorry but don’t know where else to put this. I’m a bloke so might be in the wrong place posting but I lurk a lot and seen other dads post before so hoping it’s ok.
Me and DH (married 3 years, together 6) have kids from previous. I’ve got DD12 who lives with us full time due to long-standing stuff with her mum (mental health and just general not coping). DH has DS11 who we have 50/50. All get on great generally and home life is good.
DD’s been struggling a lot lately. I think a combo of puberty hitting and her starting to realise her mum’s not really ever going to be what she wants/needs. She doesn’t talk to me loads about emotional stuff, which I get, and my sister’s great with her and they talk about girly things etc. I try not to take it personal but I feel a bit helpless sometimes tbh.
Anyway recently I messaged DD’s mum and basically said I’d be willing to pay for her to get some therapy or support if she wanted to try and work on stuff for DD’s sake. I didn’t expect a miracle, but figured worth a shot. She replied saying no thanks and that was that.
DH found out (I mentioned it in passing really) and he’s really pissed off. Said it’s not my job to fix her and she’s had enough chances and we shouldn’t be spending our money on someone who’s never pulled her weight. He’s now saying he’s not coming on a UK break we had planned Monday just the two of us and being generally frosty.
Now I’m second guessing if I was out of line. I didn’t give her any money, just offered to help IF she was willing. It wasn’t meant to be about her really it was more for DD’s sake but DH is acting like I’ve betrayed him or something.
Don’t know what to do now. Feel torn cos I get where he’s coming from a bit but also DD’s my kid and I’ll do anything to help her feel secure. Am I being too soft? Or is DH being unfair?
Thanks for reading if you got this far.