3 year marriage.
For a whilst, things were decent. I definitely noticed a remarkable change. One day, we had a minor disagreement. His reaction to it was to ignore me all day and disturb my sleep with loud music when he knew I was working nights. This is something he’d done in the past. I told him I’m not putting up with his games. I went out for the day as I was already planning to meet a friend (that was planned a month ago and husband was aware). Normally I would have been upset and cancelled my friend. But this time, I carried on as normal.
When I came home, I noticed he had put the chain on so I couldn’t enter. It was 11pm. I kept asking him to open it, he ignored me. It was only when I said if he doesn’t open it, I’m just going to call the police. Straight away, he opened it. I genuinely didn’t have the energy nor the desire to react and let it be. I asked how his day was and if he wanted something to eat.
He was civil for about 2 minutes.
Then all a sudden he blew up. Start shouting random things at me. Talking about past issues. It’s as if he had built up things that he was finally letting out. He was screaming in my face. Telling me to leave and f* off, he doesn’t care about divorcing me, he’s tired of me.
I listened. After, he finished his rant, I said I’m sorry. (I only apologised as I didn’t know what else to do and had no energy to argue nor was bothered enough to get upset). Nor did I have the energy to leave the house at that hour and be kicked out as I have been in the past. He said it’s okay and became calm.
I’m sitting down. Then he starts saying provocative things. Talking about how married women don’t go on holidays with their friends. He knew for a while I was planning a 2day trip with my best friend. So I asked “would you like me to not go, as I have no issues with cancelling it”. He responded no you do what you want otherwise I’ll be labelled controlling. Then he start saying it’s weird. Even though, throughout our marriage I’ve always said he could go on holidays with his friends. But now all a sudden it’s an issue?
I let him rant. Then I said anyways, I’ll need to go to my mums tomorrow as I need to sort her paperwork out. He then said why didn’t you do that before? I told him I didn’t have time before. Then he start twisting it saying how I don’t care about my mum and I should have prioritised her paperwork instead of going to meet my friend. So I can now see he’s being difficult on purpose, as he’s trying to get a reaction out of me by any means necessary. But I genuinely, have no desire to partake in his games nor want to argue.
Then he goes I want to sleep, so let me sleep. I said okay. He lays on the sofa. I’m sitting quietly just holding my head as I’ve got a headache. He goes I want to be left alone for at least 24 hours, I just want to be alone! I replied okay fair enough. I picked up my bag and keys to leave home and go to my mums for the night so he could have his 24hrs of being alone.
Straight away he got up, start shouting at me. Saying if you leave the house and go to your mums, I will divorce you.
Again, I’m so confused, as he told me to leave him alone. But again no will to argue, so I said okay I’ll go into the other room.
I’m confused as what he wants from me? I haven’t cried nor feel upset. As I don’t think there’s any point to this marriage but I’m just too drained to give him a reaction. I know, I need to get away and end this marriage.
What I want to know is, why is he acting this way? Why for months beg and beg for me to come back? When I do and we start afresh, starts behaving weirdly again? What is he getting out of it?
TLDR/ husband keeps trying to get a reaction. I don’t give it as I’m too tired too. He’s just getting worse. Why is he being like this?