I’m really sorry that you are feeling down op 💐
I’m not saying this to be deliberately harsh but sometimes mothers are just people who have their own problems who are coping as best they can.
There is no doubt that your mother could be more sympathetic and listen to you in a more understanding way. And I am really sorry that she didn’t support you well when you went through a traumatic event. Also that you went through that traumatic event in the first place. Can you try and at least get on a list for NHS talking therapies?
Some parents just don’t have good emotional intelligence because they weren’t parented that way themselves,
Also, from the perspective of an older woman who has young adult daughters; I feel that I have worked pt and full ft, got up in the night, changed nappies, packed school bags, kept house, done laundry, sorted
the school run, arranged and helped with extra curricular activities, birthday parties, day trips, exams, supported through the uni years, and have facilitated family life in so many ways for two decades or so, and provided love and care to the best of my ability, and so on many occasions now I just feel tired and “done”.
So much is expected of women nowadays. We are expected to work like we don’t have dc, parent like we don’t have a job, do it more empathetically and for longer than ever before, keep fit and slim, maintain a lovely home and provide healthy food , facilitate your child’s education, earn a good living, and it’s a lot.
Yes the most important thing is the quality of our relationships with our dc and we try to be sympathetic and supportive but sometimes when we have ploughed so much energy in, it’s hard to hear that after all of that, our dc are still unhappy. And we love them so much that it’s hard not to take that as a personal reflection of our parenting.
Also, your mum could be suffering from menopausal symptoms and depression or loneliness herself. The withdrawal of oestrogen makes you less sympathetic I think. I think teens or adult children always assume everything is about them but sometimes it’s nothing to do with that.
Or maybe she feels that providing you with a home is her way of showing support, even when you are paying half the costs? Some people’s love languages are acts of service.
Maybe she is tired at the end of the working day but can’t afford to retire?
Also, ultimately op, in the words of that Mel influencer woman, “no one is coming”. Ultimately everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I know you should be able to expect sympathy and support from your mum of all people, but she for some reason is unable to provide that right now. People with good mh try and accept the realities that they are presented with in life and adapt. So maybe it’s time to explore other ways of increasing your support system so you aren’t so emotionally dependent on your mum?
And maybe it’s time to move out and stand on your own two feet? Move in to
a house share? Meet some new people your own age?
In your shoes I would focus on getting good quality sleep, exercising and eating healthily. Getting those three things in order is often as good as taking an AD. And I would challenge myself to go out and meet one new person a week. And sign up to
some hobby clubs for activities that bring you joy! A choir? A gardening group? What interests do you have? What goals do you have in life? Something creative maybe? Don’t make the mistake of waiting until “the right moment” just do it whether you are down or depressed or nervous. I know it’s hard but there is more strength in you than you think and you have youth and energy on your side. Don't waste it op. Good luck 💐