Compliments; how important are they withing a relationship?

[PunishmentRoundupWithJoon]

How often does your partner compliment you? On anything, not necessarily on how you look. On absolutely anything. And how important are compliments to you, within a relationship?

I know everyone is different, and we need different things to thrive in a relationship, but am trying to sort my own feelings out here and just looking for other people's experiences, or thoughts.

Or how do you feel 'noticed' by your partner?

DH compliments me everyday. Clothes, looks.. everything

How long have you been together and how come you’re just noticing it now? Was he more complimentary at the start of the relationship? I think it’s very difficult to change someone and all you’d be doing by trying to resolve things is making him do something that’s not natural to him and therefore won’t have as much meaning as a genuine compliment.

My partner compliments me multiple times a day - normally on my cooking or what I'm wearing. If you want your partner to compliment you more you have to do things that make him want to imo - I wouldn't compliment him if he cooked a ready meal for me or wore something he went to work in but I would if he spent an hour cooking with sides or dressed up for me or ran me a bath with candles.

I get that.

DP is at her most beautiful when she's relaxed, at ease.

That's more likely to be when she's sat on the sofa in her PJs eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's, than when she's all dressed up and feeling self conscious about herself.

I try to make sure I give her compliments on the latter occasions, because that's when she needs them most, but those aren't the times when I just stop and think, "God, she's beautiful"

He’s still my boyfriend but he compliments me multiple times every time we see each other and will do so over the phone/text when we don’t see each other. I compliment him, not as much as he does but at least a few each time we’re together.

Have you told him you would like more compliments?

maybe he was not raised in a home that gave them , my family were very jokey banter and hardly ever gave sensible compliments but I make the effort to give them to everyone where ever I can
I like them and need them but I’d rather have fewer and genuine ones than lots of fake ones

Often. He also says please and thanks if I do something for him. It goes both ways as he's the main cook so I try and remember to be appreciative, especially if he's prepared something he knows I like. If I go out he'll tell me I look nice, to enjoy myself and if drink is involved will offer to drop me off and then come and get me so I don't have to drive.

He's a good listener and all in all after nearly 40 years I still feel he genuinely wants to make me happy, which he does.

I compliment dp a lot. Mainly because I feel it - he looks hot, does loads for me, is lovely. A tiny bit because my experience of hardly ever getting compliments is that I lost confidence that my dh actually wanted to have sex with me, was attracted to me, as opposed to just wanting sex, and that drove a stake through my sex drive, which is otherwise healthy enough, and made dh less happy than he should have been. I never want to be in that place again.

Very rarely ever compliments my appearance even if I'm all dressed up. Sometimes he will but it feels very forced like he has remembered he should say it and does. Compliments meals though. I usually have to point out to him if I have a manicure or new hairstyle. He also has a very low libido and doesn't make me feel desired. The outcome has been it doesn't matter how much other men stare and gawk at me, I feel ugly basically.

We say the odd thing to each but I would rather nothing than fake compliments because someome thinks they have to give them, i dont deliberately want them and dont see the need really

I don't mind fake compliments, within reason. To me, a compliment doesn't have to be about conveying a fact, it can also be "I want my partner to feel good, and I want them to know I want that".

I asked my then husband to give me a compliment now and then, I told him it doesn't matter if it's a lie, if it's nice. He said no because "I wouldn't want to lie".

He actively didn't want me to feel good, and he wanted me to know he didn't care.