Some advice needed please

[Georginalou]

Hello all, I just need a bit of advice and someone to talk to in regards to my situation. I am currently with my partner for 5 years and we have a 7 month old daughter. My daughter is wonderful, honestly I am incredibly lucky. However, my relationship with my partner is awful, he is so grumpy all the time, moans about everything, shouts, swears, and makes me feel super unhappy. There have been times when baby was with grandparents and me/my partner were at our house, he started hitting his head, punching the wall and breaking stuff. He has never done that in front of our daughter but I know it isn’t good either way. I have told him I want some space to clear my head but he won’t let it happen. I have been telling him not to shout in front of the baby or swear but that just winds him up and then he storms out the house. He doesn’t wake up in the mornings to help, he lays in every day, even if I have been awake with baby all night, we both work, I work early morning shifts and he works lates. Yesterday, I missed my shift because he refused to get up to help with baby, turned his back and went back to sleep. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I guess I just need someone to talk to as I feel a bit low and he is moaning that the house isn’t tidy enough, even though I tidy everyday. He has cheated on me in the beginning, told me he still loved his ex but I moved on from that somehow, we were better than ever before. But now it feels like he’s just never happy but won’t move out even though I tell him he can still see his daughter, he just refuses to leave. I still love him, I’m just fed up of being blamed for everything and moaned at all the time. I want to enjoy my life with my beautiful daughter. Thank you, sorry for any spelling mistakes or typos lol

Bin

You need to LTB. If he won;t move out then can you? Is your house rented or owned? Whose name is it in?

Why do you still say you love him? Write down the reasons. Do they outweigh being a lazy angry cheat? Or is it just habit??
Being this unhappy is no way to live - and you know it’s not going to get better.

Abusers always refuse to leave but where he goes is not your problem.

Do you really love him or are you confusing this with codependency?. You would not want your daughter as an adult to be with such a lazy and abusive cheating man so why do you write you love him?. Your relationship bar must be gutter level in order to write such guff. Denial is a powerful force and your type is not your type.

What is the situation re the property?.

He refuses to leave because he likes having you around to abuse and otherwise mistreat as he sees fit. Also if you leave he will then have to find another sap of a woman to target with a view to looking after him and that takes effort. Such men hate women, all of them.

Enrol yourself onto the Freddom programme and do not enter into another relationship for some considerable time. Abuse like this takes a long time, years even, to recover from.

Freedom Programme.

You need to leave. Ideally kick him out of the house depending on the situation. I would contact womens aid with the aim to leave the relationship safely. You may have to look for your own accommodation if the house is rented, he should be leaving if it is a joint mortgage. Is this really the life you want for you and your child? You can change it baby steps and do not let him get a whiff of what you are up to. Every day do one thing that helps you in your plan to leave, be it gathering documents, looking for rentals, freedom program is a good shout, think about how much better life will be for you and your child without this huge drain. Good luck OP and be careful he doesn't suspect anything.

Thank you all so much. I’m not sure how to reply to each message but I’ll try the freedom programme, I’m currently renting but it is only my name on the tenancy. I’ll also contact woman’s aid. I appreciate all your help 🙂 absolutely right, my daughter will always be my number one priority and I do not want her living in this situation, I just needed to reach out to someone as I have nobody to talk to and my head is a bit all over the place, I’ll make sure she is in a safe environment. Thank you all again.