Why cheat?

[Notabellend]

What is missing from a relationship to make others cheat? I don’t cheat but for those that have been through it, I am sorry. What changed in the relationship? Why do you think it happened. No judgement here. We are all human.

In my experience men usually cheat because they've purely and simply been presented with the opportunity, not because they're particularly unhappily married. They aren't going to turn down "extra" sex and a good old massaging of their egos.

I am sad to read this. More people go through this than let on though. I hope you are ok now. Samaritans and Mind are really good. If you can find out your trigger, keep busy with a hobby, contact above and self focus when that feeling hits you will be ok. Please get help if you need it and don’t feel ashamed. We are all human.

Wanting to stay in a faithful relationship is not controlling. If you want to cheat, you leave.

Because they think they can get away with it.

You cheated because you gave birth or he cheated because you gave birth ?

I agree.

Sometimes there are reasons, like lack of sex or a couple have grown apart but often even in marriages that are perfectly happy with a doting wife, if the opportunity comes up some men will take it. (Yes, I know that sometimes it’s a woman but usually it’s a man. And I know that there are loyal men, but they aren’t the ones I’m talking about).

Some men cheat just because they can.

Cheat with someone less attractive? Not heard of that or known anyone who's done that.

My ex cheated but it's a matter of opinion whether she was more/less attractive than I was.

But she did earn a lot less money, so he could control her and she couldn't afford to leave him, whereas I could..

My exH cheated with two women who were 10-15 years older than me. They were both ugly, haggard, overweight, rough and not at all intelligent. He admitted that he never would have allowed himself to be seen in public with them because he’d be ashamed.

Some men will take anything on offer.

I met someone. I need to talk about it and warn others.

Attractive, the devil in perfect wrapping.

We had separated. It wasn’t cheating. It was NEVER physical.

He love bombed me, was funny, good to talk to. Made me feel happy.

Then he turned. He said words so hurtful that to this day, I am left ill with physical sickness and panic attacks from the hurt.

So to those looking to for another, please be very careful. Please watch for gaslighting, love bombing etc. It ruined me. I will never get over it.

Oddly I miss him and think of him every day.

The only good thing is, me and DH got back together, we are stronger than ever but that pain from the other will never leave me. The physical side effects shock me to my core, being unable to talk to anyone about it. I wish I could control the attraction but I can’t. It scares me.

He turns up places I go. I have had to stop going to regular places. We no longer speak but I never want to see him again.

His friend died and it concerns me that she took her own life. I wonder if he did the same to her.

@Notabellend absolutely he did. You will not be the only one he has damaged so badly. He's a vampire.

Please reach out for some therapy on this cruelty. You can heal and you can recover but with help.

I cheated.

Id been married over 30yrs and hadn't been touched for 10yrs of it. No sex, no affection, no hugs. I would lie in bed at night crying wondering if this was all my life had become. I tried to talk to my husband about how I felt, but he rolled his eyes and walked off.

I no intention of leaving him, but decided I needed to feel human touch again. I joined an affair website. I got chatting with a guy on there and we met and fell crazily in love. He hadn't met anyone else from there either and his circumstances were very similar to mine.

Apparently though my personality changed. I became happy and my husband noticed. He asked me if I had met someone else and I didn't lie to him. We separated earlier this year. I am still with my new partner and we are in a relationship. He is still living with his family and I don't know what the future will bring. But I'm happy for the first time in a long time.

You mean he's still living with his wife? Who presumably has no idea of her h's betrayal?

Still, as long as you are happy, eh?

If he's still married and living with his wife, have you ever thought about seeking help to find out why you're happy to take the crumbs of relationship with a married man? So weak.

I just think people need to stop enabling cheaters. Just stop it. Obviously the married / involved men are at fault but they need willing partners.

Thank you lovely. I see your point of view. I talked to someone but they didn’t understand at all.

I have a condition diagnosed and it was made worse when I saw him as now panic attacks have started. I try to block it out.

He goes to a place I used to love, now my family and I have had to leave so we don’t see him. He is ill and initially I wanted to help him.

If he turns up near my house again, I will be keeping a record.

All i can do is warn others that there is a stunner out there that doesn’t leave you alone and uses you as a toy. The police are aware. I am trained in things that give me more understanding eg counselling etc. @SugarPlumpFairyCakes your few kind words really helped. Thanks so much.

Reading this, my opinion is, you may have already mentally separated but no one wanted to be the one to break it off? Not sure if its cheating if you weren’t sleeping together.

If your new partner is single fair enough but if not, don’t you want a clean break?