Not sure how to begin this, I guess I want to see if i'm being wrong or not.
I already have a child from a previous relationship who walked out the moment i got pregnant and i got on with life. In the end i'm honestly glad he completely left. However it did leave me with distrust in men in general.
Now i'm pregnant of someone I had a long distant relationship with, each in another country and we visited every so often. I've visited him more often though.
I've seen some issues with this guy from the beginning, things i didnt like, but I also realise that nobody is perfect. He doesn't work, but said he was depressed. He games a lot and when alone apparently he seems to have a hard time maintaining his living space. He loves sleeping in and i honestly think its mainly got to do with his gaming habit and staying up late. These things I kind of ignored as he generally seems to have a nice personality and kind heart.
However as time went on, i've become more annoyed with his behaviour. He really seems to think sometimes that he is 'the man' and as if he is mostly right or good at things and then tries to tell me how to do things. Also when i've gotten emotional he has looked like he was kind in person but then when talking in text or over the phone he tended to throw things at me like he thought something was wrong with me and when i told him how i thought and how he made me feel he said that those things i'm thinking are not true and that i have intrusive thoughts about him and that it is wrong to think half truths.
Now there is something particular about him as he does not have an imagination, its a rare condition, but he literally can't imagine. Which probably means he lacks a lot of empathy as he probably cant put himself in others people's shoes so to speak.
Anyway i am getting tired of it. He also has some selfish tendencies as i remember my son had written something on a card i intended to give him and he was like: 'that was MY card'. Or with his christmas with his family he didnt get an expensive gift from someone while others in his family did and then he needed to have a cry about it by himself he told me.
At this point i just feel like he has been coddled and tended to most of his life and is acting like a big baby.
Also he visited me and was supposed to take some workload off of me while pregnant, he only visited for 1,5 week, and he said he would maybe let me sleep and take my son to school, well i think he did maybe 2 times. And i've let him sleep most of the times, (while pregnant) as he complains easily of being tired and so he slept a bit longer quite a few mornings and I was up and about as i normally do as it is my responsibility anyway.
He did cook but he makes it a whole show and tries to be the best cook and prove to me how much better he can cook as me (i can cook but i'm generally lazy with it as i do not have the time nor energy to do something different every day and like to keep it simple).
Also he has been focussing a loooooot on my son. Which should seem nice, but it really bothers me as i think it is not normal or natural to spend most of his time visiting me entertaining my child. I think it is a bit weird as i would have expected him to mainly want to spend time with me and try to have some personal time together and do some things together. He took me one time for a drink and some food together but other then that, when the evening comes, he ended up gaming a lot of times. For me the high interest in my child is like he is trying to make himself popular and the best guy ever towards my child, he gave him games and plays with him and is trying to be so so fun with my son. And different types of cakes/candies. And doing nice activities too.
That all sounds nice, but to me its just a bit odd that there's so much focus and attention on being this great person to my son and then when the evening comes, or even if we had some time when my son was at school, he prefers to relax and barely even hugs me and sometimes preferred to go gaming or smoking (i dont like his smoking habit either).
We had an argument when he was here, i tell him i often do not feel like he actually cares about me. I also accused him of spending too much time with my child and that it was weird.
I just do not feel supported even though in his mind he said he is doing all that so that I would not have to entertain my son (well i told him i do not tend to entertain my son all the time as my son has to entertain himself a big part of the day and i play with my son for a short amount of time as i'm simply not able to nor have the energy to do more then that, also I want my son to learn to be independent).
Now my son really likes my boyfriend but he has only seen the fun side and ofcourse my boyfriend did a lot of effort to make himself fun. However when my son cried when he had to leave and said he will miss my boyfriend, my boyfriend did answer with stuff like 'yes life is hard', seemingly annoyed with the fact my son cried about him leaving or the fact my son was crying at all. And fair enough, my son cries a lot and sometimes its a bit much however it is not a good male example in my opinion to dismiss his feelings like that.
When i tried to address how i feel and i said our argument would not have happened if he wasnt there and i feel better and less stressed when he is not there, he just blames me of making the argument in the first place.
I have told him today that i'm done with it all, as there's so much to it and i am starting to feel confused about wrongs and rights, however i do know that i dont feel good. Also he has not made any initiative for us to actually be or live together and told me he'd visit very very often when baby is born, but I live in a small house and all of us in this small place is just way too many people, especially since he is not working and I dont feel i could deal with him being at home as i feel like he takes over everything and leaves no space for me to do things my way.
I feel bad about dropping it and like i failed at another relationship and now having a child with another man with whom i do not have a good relationship with, i kind of regret my life's choices.
I'm just wondering if i'm making the right decision here, there's lots of negatives to this guy but overall i did think he seemed to try and do 'his best' in the way he could.
However in the long run, i just don't see it being healthy for me nor him being a good example as a man unfortunately.
He did apologise a few times in the past, i give him that much, but i can just see that he just generally thinks he should 'call me out' or kind of put me in my place as you may call it and the way he thinks about his position in a relationship (he once told me the woman should submit) i just dont think long term it would work for me as I believe more in partnerships where two people do a part and try to work together to create something in life.
Did I make the right choice? He is not all awful but for me at the moment its more bad than good and i feel its too risky..