So this is a long one.
I first started going out with my children’s dad at the age of 15, it wasn’t great. He was not the nicest and it was very very on and off until we got to 20 and then decided we wanted to be together properly and start a family. 2 years later we welcomed our first boy. Our relationship was never the best on his side, he wasn’t always the kindest some what controlling but we were happy. I was happy to dedicate my life to him and our son. 4 years later welcomed our second son. Was a very difficult time it was in lockdown all of our lifes had change dramatically and after he was born I was suffering really bad with PND and anxiety. I was very mentally unwell and neglected our relationship. Fast forward to 2 years ago it our relationship was really rough I was still struggling with my mental health and he had lost his dad (he was not a good dad he was a drug user and wife beater but he still had some sort of relationship with him) one day our eldest was unwell and I took him to hospital and he was admitted into hospital there dad was out on a night out at the time and I had asked him to come home because I needed his help because son was in hospital and other son was with my parents. He refused to come home stayed out all night drinking then turned up the next day as if nothing had happened. Things were not great after that and Xmas Eve 2023 he stayed out all night drinking got home about 3 in the morning in a real bad state. The relationship ended. But we continued living together even having a sexual relationship. Things felt normal even tho we weren’t in a relationship to me things were ok. We would still do things as a family, I did everything I could to make his life easy and happy, put his needs before mine. So fast forward again to this year he became very distant going on nights out staying out 2/3 times a week working more days going to gym more days and just barley being around at all. My kids would go days without seeing him. We had an argument and I said it’s best you just leave so he did just that. And then told me that he had been planning on leaving for a long time but just never felt like the right time. It eventually came out that he had met someone but it wasn’t serious. He tells me different rhings every day and told me yesterday that she might eventually move in with him. Now people move on people fall out of love I no all of this and I can’t blame him for it but I just feel so broken by it all. I no deep down me and the children are better off without him because he stopped having time for them but I just can’t help but feel so upset and hurt. Last week he told me that he will always care for me he will always love me I’m his childhood sweet heart his best friend and then yesterday telling me she will be moving in. My head is all over the place he is the only person I ever loved the man I dreamt of spending my life with regardless of the shit that had happened I wanted to be his wife. I honestly feel like I will never get over this and I will never find happiness again.