Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get over this

7 replies

Newlysinglemumma · 11/06/2025 20:32

So this is a long one.
I first started going out with my children’s dad at the age of 15, it wasn’t great. He was not the nicest and it was very very on and off until we got to 20 and then decided we wanted to be together properly and start a family. 2 years later we welcomed our first boy. Our relationship was never the best on his side, he wasn’t always the kindest some what controlling but we were happy. I was happy to dedicate my life to him and our son. 4 years later welcomed our second son. Was a very difficult time it was in lockdown all of our lifes had change dramatically and after he was born I was suffering really bad with PND and anxiety. I was very mentally unwell and neglected our relationship. Fast forward to 2 years ago it our relationship was really rough I was still struggling with my mental health and he had lost his dad (he was not a good dad he was a drug user and wife beater but he still had some sort of relationship with him) one day our eldest was unwell and I took him to hospital and he was admitted into hospital there dad was out on a night out at the time and I had asked him to come home because I needed his help because son was in hospital and other son was with my parents. He refused to come home stayed out all night drinking then turned up the next day as if nothing had happened. Things were not great after that and Xmas Eve 2023 he stayed out all night drinking got home about 3 in the morning in a real bad state. The relationship ended. But we continued living together even having a sexual relationship. Things felt normal even tho we weren’t in a relationship to me things were ok. We would still do things as a family, I did everything I could to make his life easy and happy, put his needs before mine. So fast forward again to this year he became very distant going on nights out staying out 2/3 times a week working more days going to gym more days and just barley being around at all. My kids would go days without seeing him. We had an argument and I said it’s best you just leave so he did just that. And then told me that he had been planning on leaving for a long time but just never felt like the right time. It eventually came out that he had met someone but it wasn’t serious. He tells me different rhings every day and told me yesterday that she might eventually move in with him. Now people move on people fall out of love I no all of this and I can’t blame him for it but I just feel so broken by it all. I no deep down me and the children are better off without him because he stopped having time for them but I just can’t help but feel so upset and hurt. Last week he told me that he will always care for me he will always love me I’m his childhood sweet heart his best friend and then yesterday telling me she will be moving in. My head is all over the place he is the only person I ever loved the man I dreamt of spending my life with regardless of the shit that had happened I wanted to be his wife. I honestly feel like I will never get over this and I will never find happiness again.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 11/06/2025 22:03

You feel like that partly because you’re in a halfway house with this guy - neither in nor out.

He’s made the choice to start a new relationship. It absolutely sucks and it’s totally heart wrenching, I know this - more so with kids.

But you have to now be out. No more sex, no more “family days out”, no more communication that isn’t child focused, no more reminiscing. Put in place a proper contact schedule for the kids with set times he has them, agree how much child support he is paying or go through CMS if you can’t.

If you take these steps and you are out, every day it will get a little bit easier until you realise you haven’t even thought about him in weeks and you’re ready to move on with someone else who will treat you right and make you happy and be who you deserve to be with.

Stay strong but say enough is enough now!

pictoosh · 11/06/2025 22:07

Life is too short for an unkind man. I hope you are able to see that, and soon. x

Coffeislife · 11/06/2025 22:18

Sometime soon you're going to start seeing it for what it is and you will feel anger instead of sadness, then you will heal and you absolutely will be happy

GoldenLamp · 12/06/2025 01:34

You don't realise this yet but you you are now free.

In time your own freewill, will return.

He's held you hostage for far too long in a cycle of pain and false hope.
Your strength will return in time and you will be allowed your own thoughts without his cruelty invading your mind.

You will recover.
x

MiloMinderbinder925 · 12/06/2025 04:43

I'm really sorry that your only relationship has been with a waste of space. It's very sad to read about how you ran around after him while he completely disrespected you.

There are two men here. The fantasy one you've held onto for years and the reality which is a drunken, neglectful, cheat. I doubt this is his first relationship outside yours.

From the outset you say he wasn't very nice which seems like an understatement. I would do the Freedom Programme to learn about healthy relationships and apply for financial support via CMS.

Please don't let him back into your life for more of the same.

Whatdowedonowthen · 12/06/2025 04:54

I believe that you are not happy in this relationship and you never were. Let it go, it will be the best thing you’ve ever done.

Focus on you and your children, you are your priority now. Never rely on anyone else to make you happy, true happiness will come, settle for nothing less.

daisychain01 · 12/06/2025 04:57

I honestly feel like I will never get over this and I will never find happiness again.

but you weren't happy with him, how could you be when he was out drinking, being unfaithful to you and being a crap father.

you will get over this because nobody should have to stay in such a heightened sense of alert as you have been for all these years. Give yourself time to heal and please whatever you do, prioritise your children and don't get into a relationship for some time to come.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page